This week has been a little bit rough, but settling. I ended last week by catching a summer cold. It has been a rough one and I am struggling to get rid of it. I am improving, but it still lingers. It seems anytime I go through a de-stressing time I get sick.
However, I do not want to forget how blessed I am to have the chance to stay home to raise my children. I know there are many who would trade places with me in a heart beat. It has been nice to see progress in the things I am trying to teach the boys. One of the goals that I have is to raise Caleb and Simeon to be uncommonly courteous. I realize that I need to become more courteous as I am working with them on this. Well, Caleb did an excellent job with this uncommon courtesy this week. My family orders food from a coop or food buying club as does my mother. We typically pick up all of our orders at the same time. In the past Vic did this because I was at work. However, now that I am home with the boys I did this job on Wednesday. While I was writing the check I asked Caleb to pick up a couple of the boxes to put them in the trunk of the car. He picked up those boxes, but then proceeded to pick up all the boxes that were not too heavy for him. Then when we went to my mom's apartment he carried the ones that were not too heavy all by himself without being asked. He did this with a cheerful heart and was happy to do it. I was pleased with his courteousness. I have several goals for Simeon specifically. The one top on my priority list is for him to finally be potty trained. He is four and a half and has the ability, but has stubbornly refused. That is Simeon's personality-- you are not going to make him to anything he does not want to do. There are some definite advantages in the long run in his life that this strong will is going to bring him, but as for parenting him that strong will makes the job more difficult. I praise the Lord for his strong will though because I know God has great plans for this quality in Simeon. Anyway, back to potty training. Today Simeon pooped in the potty for the first time. We were all so excited and Simeon got excited about it too. So hopefully we are on the right track.
Vic is busy mowing and carpet cleaning a lot. We hardly see him this time of year. He leaves between 7 and 7:30 in the morning and often does not return until 9:00 at night. We will likely see too much of him in the winter. However, we are praying about what the Lord wants us to do with the winter. We know God has a plan and we want to cooperate with it.
As for me I am catching up and will be for quite some time. Tonight's task is baking for the next week or so.
Have a Happy Father's Day!!!!!!
Friday, June 17, 2011
Friday, June 10, 2011
Busy Totally Blessed Week
We have had a busy totally blessed week here at the Vanderhoof House. Vic has been busy working and is tired, but it looks like he might get a chance to have a little rest this weekend (of course that depends on how many of our activities he plans to participate in). This was Vacation Bible School Week at our church First Baptist Newton. Caleb was at VBS on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, then he went to Cub Scout Day Camp Thursday and Friday. Yesterday, Caleb went with Pop-Pop (my dad) to camp and it was reported that he shot a bow and arrow for the first time, made a pirate patch, went swimming, learned a little about map navigation, and I am sure there is more I have not heard about. Today I think they are planning a nature walk, learning to shoot bb guns, and I can't wait to hear about these things and the others things they will be doing. Simeon had a doctor appointment Monday morning to have ears checked after getting tubes 2 months ago. Doctor says they look good. Then he was at VBS the rest of the week and had some special one on one time with me.
This year in VBS the theme was Inside Out and Upside Down on Main Street and the children were taught about character qualities. The first day was gratitude, the second day was compassion, the third day was forgiveness, the fourth day was grace, and today was faithfulness. One of the biggest highlights of the week was the offering at VBS. This year the offering went to the tornado victims in Joplin, MO. Kelli lead the group in singing and the openings and closings. She is totally gifted at this and loves VBS (it shows that she does too). Kelli told the group on the first day that if they raised $300 then a name would be drawn on the last day and that person could throw a pie in her face. Well, on day 4 the total was over $750. So Kelli decided that someone from every class could throw a pie in her face on the last day. Then she further challenged that if they raised $1000 by the end if day 5 a name would be drawn and that child would throw a pie in Kelli's face during the VBS program Sunday night. Those children came through and the grand total for their VBS offering to go to Joplin, MO tornado relief was over $1000. So Kelli got pies in her face today as well as the teacher from the class that raised the most money which was Brooke's class. These are some good times. The program will be Sunday night. Caleb had the camera at Cub Scout Camp so I did not get pictures, but I will get some pictures Sunday Night.
This weekend will continue with our busy schedule (which is due to slow down starting next week). Caleb will go fishing with Cub Scouts on Saturday, there is a swimming party with the Cub Scouts on Sunday afternoon, and then the VBS program Sunday evening.
As for me I helped with the babies during VBS, but today have a summer cold. My husband is taking me out tonight so I have to get better soon.
I hope for you and your family a wonderful blessed weekend and coming week.
This year in VBS the theme was Inside Out and Upside Down on Main Street and the children were taught about character qualities. The first day was gratitude, the second day was compassion, the third day was forgiveness, the fourth day was grace, and today was faithfulness. One of the biggest highlights of the week was the offering at VBS. This year the offering went to the tornado victims in Joplin, MO. Kelli lead the group in singing and the openings and closings. She is totally gifted at this and loves VBS (it shows that she does too). Kelli told the group on the first day that if they raised $300 then a name would be drawn on the last day and that person could throw a pie in her face. Well, on day 4 the total was over $750. So Kelli decided that someone from every class could throw a pie in her face on the last day. Then she further challenged that if they raised $1000 by the end if day 5 a name would be drawn and that child would throw a pie in Kelli's face during the VBS program Sunday night. Those children came through and the grand total for their VBS offering to go to Joplin, MO tornado relief was over $1000. So Kelli got pies in her face today as well as the teacher from the class that raised the most money which was Brooke's class. These are some good times. The program will be Sunday night. Caleb had the camera at Cub Scout Camp so I did not get pictures, but I will get some pictures Sunday Night.
This weekend will continue with our busy schedule (which is due to slow down starting next week). Caleb will go fishing with Cub Scouts on Saturday, there is a swimming party with the Cub Scouts on Sunday afternoon, and then the VBS program Sunday evening.
As for me I helped with the babies during VBS, but today have a summer cold. My husband is taking me out tonight so I have to get better soon.
I hope for you and your family a wonderful blessed weekend and coming week.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Hard Things
It seems like days are long at our house right now-- of course it is mowing season. Last night I was so tired that I went to bed and decided to get up early to pack things for Caleb's Tiger Cub Day Camp-- it lasts for 2 days and tomorrow is the first day. He has been looking forward to this for a while. This is also VBS week at our church so things have been pretty hectic, not to mention that we have not established a routine yet with my being at home with the boys now. So needless to say my being awake at 3am right now was not welcome.
I woke up to get a drink of water and then had a realization. This realization keeping me awake when I should be sleeping, you would think it would be some great huge morsel of wisdom, but it is simply-- It is okay to say things are hard.
This simple nugget means a lot to me right now. It means letting go of years of pretending or at least trying to pretend. It means that I now have some insight as to some of my low frustration tolerance. My frustration tolerance did not used to be low, but these last few years it has been and I have not really been sure why. Admitting first of all that life has been hard and secondly that it is okay to say that it is hard is like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I also realize that I so badly want a break from the hardness of life. A day or two to rest and recharge to face the hard. That is not likely to happen, but now I can at least say that I want it. I have not been able to admit something like that to myself for years.
If you read my last post I realized that I have accepted others pictures of me and let go of God's picture of me. Now I am letting go of those old picture and allowing God to draw a picture of how he sees me and replacing all the old pictures. I realize tonight that I am letting go of an old picture some one gave me. When Caleb was a couple of months old I was still adjusting to motherhood as many moms still are at that point in the life of their first child, when I suggested I needed a break. This got turned into something entirely different by the person I was talking to. According to this woman I was abandoning my husband and child. How dare I need a break. She further told me that I no longer had any right to have any needs of my own because I was now a mother. Somehow I was to be invinsible, made of steel, and could no longer have any rights as a human being.
I was vulnerable at that point. My husband was ill with epilepsy, my baby was demanding (as babies tend to be), I was working full time, and now was experiencing post partum blues. Then add on top of that guilt that I was struggling with things being hard. I stopped admitting it to myself that day. I decided that somehow I had to be made of steel from that point on. However, the truth is I am not made of steel and I have only deteriorated on the inside from this. I have felt like a humongous failure as a result of not being able handle everything as if it were nothing and easy. So now tonight I admit that things are hard and I feel the weight life.
Then I think about a lesson I have been teaching Caleb. We are supposed to do hard things. I still agree with this. I am still to tackle the things in life that are in front of me, but it is okay to admit the truth that it is hard as I face them. It is only when I admit that something is hard can I then release it to the Lord and let Him take the situation. Only when I admit that it taxes my strengths and abilities and my energy level can He give me His perfect strength. Admitting is pretty powerful it allows us the opportunity to surrender to the Lord. If we don't admit an issue we can not surrender it. So tonight I admit that life is hard and I surrender this to the Lord. I let go of the picture handed to me saying I must be made of steel or I am inadequate. I accept whatever picture God chooses to give me. I have no idea if I will ever get a morning to sleep in or weekend alone with my husband that I feel I need to recharge my batteries, but I do know God is all sufficient and will provide all I need to manage and have victory over the things ahead of me.
I woke up to get a drink of water and then had a realization. This realization keeping me awake when I should be sleeping, you would think it would be some great huge morsel of wisdom, but it is simply-- It is okay to say things are hard.
This simple nugget means a lot to me right now. It means letting go of years of pretending or at least trying to pretend. It means that I now have some insight as to some of my low frustration tolerance. My frustration tolerance did not used to be low, but these last few years it has been and I have not really been sure why. Admitting first of all that life has been hard and secondly that it is okay to say that it is hard is like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I also realize that I so badly want a break from the hardness of life. A day or two to rest and recharge to face the hard. That is not likely to happen, but now I can at least say that I want it. I have not been able to admit something like that to myself for years.
If you read my last post I realized that I have accepted others pictures of me and let go of God's picture of me. Now I am letting go of those old picture and allowing God to draw a picture of how he sees me and replacing all the old pictures. I realize tonight that I am letting go of an old picture some one gave me. When Caleb was a couple of months old I was still adjusting to motherhood as many moms still are at that point in the life of their first child, when I suggested I needed a break. This got turned into something entirely different by the person I was talking to. According to this woman I was abandoning my husband and child. How dare I need a break. She further told me that I no longer had any right to have any needs of my own because I was now a mother. Somehow I was to be invinsible, made of steel, and could no longer have any rights as a human being.
I was vulnerable at that point. My husband was ill with epilepsy, my baby was demanding (as babies tend to be), I was working full time, and now was experiencing post partum blues. Then add on top of that guilt that I was struggling with things being hard. I stopped admitting it to myself that day. I decided that somehow I had to be made of steel from that point on. However, the truth is I am not made of steel and I have only deteriorated on the inside from this. I have felt like a humongous failure as a result of not being able handle everything as if it were nothing and easy. So now tonight I admit that things are hard and I feel the weight life.
Then I think about a lesson I have been teaching Caleb. We are supposed to do hard things. I still agree with this. I am still to tackle the things in life that are in front of me, but it is okay to admit the truth that it is hard as I face them. It is only when I admit that something is hard can I then release it to the Lord and let Him take the situation. Only when I admit that it taxes my strengths and abilities and my energy level can He give me His perfect strength. Admitting is pretty powerful it allows us the opportunity to surrender to the Lord. If we don't admit an issue we can not surrender it. So tonight I admit that life is hard and I surrender this to the Lord. I let go of the picture handed to me saying I must be made of steel or I am inadequate. I accept whatever picture God chooses to give me. I have no idea if I will ever get a morning to sleep in or weekend alone with my husband that I feel I need to recharge my batteries, but I do know God is all sufficient and will provide all I need to manage and have victory over the things ahead of me.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Self-esteem vs. True humility
I have been tossing around in my mind what to blog about. There have so many good blogable ideas. Should I blog about Seeking First His Kingdom, the value of motherhood, my homecoming with the boys, or what I think is a better answer for self-esteem? After much dilemna and prayer I have decided to blog about the self-esteem -- the lie that has plagued our society and infiltrated the church. This blog was inspired by a personal eye opening experience that happened for me this week in my own relationship with the Lord.
As a Christian who has been working in the mental health field for a while now I have had to grapple with some issues that could compromise faith. I vowed to put my theology before my psychology from the beginning. I made it a point to never go against scripture in any of my counseling interventions. I might not have always been able to quote chapter and verse, but would have a Biblical basis for any intervention I would utilize. That served me well for eight and a half years. Even though I have stopped doing therapy I still have a few things to say about self-esteem.
This week I was watching a Veggie Tales video with Caleb and Simeon-- God Made You Special. At the end of this video there is a story about snoodles. Snoodles are created instead of being born. When they appear they are given the gifts that their creator intends for them to use in the purpose each one was intended to accomplish. One snoodle apparently was given some gifts that were different and so the other snoodles would draw pictures of him that put him down. As each picture was drawn the little snoodle would accept the picture and put it in his backpack. After a while the snoodle started to feel like he was a worthless snoodle. So he left. As he journeyed others added negative pictures to his pack which by this point was pretty heavy. Then as he continues on his journey he encounters his creator. The snoodle's creator had the little snoodle throw away all the other pictures that had been weighing him down. The Creator gave him a new picture of him to put in the backpack-- a picture of how the Creator sees the snoodle. This picture shows a strong, free, and happy snoodle who is doing what he was created to do. Then the Creator tells the snoodle that the only picture he needs in his backpack is this new picture. When the snoodle accepts this new picture he is free, he can fly, and he is much happier.
I have never been able to lead a self-esteem group or counsel in the area of self-esteem in the way the books I have read have suggested because I do not find it Biblical. If we look inside ourselves to find our value then we don't find what we need to develop this "self-esteem". Our value does not come from ourselves. It comes from our loving, heavenly Father who created us. It HIS view of us that we need to be grasping, not some illusion of how good we are. The illusion we create for ourselves is first of all not accurate and second of all unstable. One minute the things we have used to find our value or "self-esteem" are there, but the next minute they could be gone. However, God's view of us is constant. His love for us is unconditional. Therefore, HIS view of each one of us is never going to change. So we can count on it and should base our value on that instead of the illusionary "self-esteem".
This ironically is also the solution to pride as well. If we each gain a view of how God sees us then we will not see ourselves too highly or too low. That is true humility. When I was in YWAM they taught my DTS class that humility is seeing ourselves the way God sees us. So instead of trying to gain self-esteem perhaps we should be asking God for true humility.
What can we learn from this snoodle mentioned above. Perhaps that we should each individually ask our creator for a picture of how he sees us. He values us so much that he sent his one and only son Jesus to die a gruesome, cruel death in order for us to have forgiveness for our sins. If we are that important then our value must be very high. Neil T. Anderson has a list of things that show our value and are in each individual picture God has of his children. The list goes as follows:
I am God's child (John 1:12).
I am a friend of Christ (John 15:15).
I have been justified (Romans 5:1).
I am united with the Lord and am one with him in spirit (I Corinthians 6:17).
I have been bought with a price and I belong to God (I Corinthians 6: 19-20).
I am a member of Christ's body (I Corinthians 12:27).
I have been chosen by God and adopted as his child (Ephesians 1:3-8).
I have been redeemed and forgiven of all my sins (Colossians 1:13-14).
I am complete in Christ (Colossians 2:9-10).
I have direct access to the throne of grace through Jesus Christ (Hebrews 4:14-16).
I am free from condemnation (Romans 8:1-2).
I am assured that God works for good in all my circumstances (Romans 8:28).
I am free from any condemnation brought against me and I cannot be separated from the love of God (Romans 8:31-39).
I have been established, annointed, and sealed by God (2 Corinthians 1:21-22).
I am hidden with Christ in God (Colossians 3:1-4).
I am confident that God will complete the good work he started in me (Philippians 1:6).
I am a citizen of heaven (Philippians 3:20)
I have not been given a spirit of fear but of power, love, and sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7).
I am born of God and the evil one can not touch me (I John 5:18).
I am a branch of Jesus Christ, the true vine, and a channel of his life (John 15:5).
I have been chosen and appointed to bear fruit (John 15:16).
I am God's temple (I Corinthians 3:16).
I am a minister of reconciliation for God (2 Corinthians 5:17-21).
I am seated with Christ in the heavenly realm (Ephesians 2:6).
I am God's workmanship (Ephesians 2:10).
I may approach God with freedom and confidence (Ephesians 3:12).
I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13).
This list is in the book The Bondage Breaker by Neil T. Anderson. He also has a ministry titled Freedom In Christ Ministries. The website is http://www.ficm.org/.
This week as I was watching the video with my children I realized that I somehow had lost the picture God had drawn that shows how he sees me. At one point I felt pretty confident in the Lord and his unconditional love for me. However, at some point I have lost sight of it and started doing what this little snoodle did and started accepting others pictures of me. I just knew I disappointed everyone and that no one liked me-- even though that is not true. I have found myself longing for someone's approval and acceptance. However, no matter how much approval or acceptance others have given me I still have felt insecure, lost, and alone. I realized that I have been holding on to negative thoughts and comments about me and have been vulnerable to the opinions of others. This is not a good place to be for many reasons. One reason is that others opinions change all the time. The second is that others opinions are not always accurate. However, the most important reason is that no matter how much another person approves of me it will never satisfy what I am longing for-- that is God's approval and acceptance. Ironically, I have been looking for approval and acceptance, but have had it the whole time from the Lord. Like I said before no matter how much approval and accpetance I recieve from others it will never satisfy the deepest longings of my heart-- only God can. So I like that snoodle have accepted pictures of myself that are not true. So I am letting go of them and allowing God to draw my portrait as he sees me. Sometimes this will be easy-- other times difficult, but no matter what it will meet my deepest needs and give me true humility instead of the very much unsatisfying self-esteem.
As a Christian who has been working in the mental health field for a while now I have had to grapple with some issues that could compromise faith. I vowed to put my theology before my psychology from the beginning. I made it a point to never go against scripture in any of my counseling interventions. I might not have always been able to quote chapter and verse, but would have a Biblical basis for any intervention I would utilize. That served me well for eight and a half years. Even though I have stopped doing therapy I still have a few things to say about self-esteem.
This week I was watching a Veggie Tales video with Caleb and Simeon-- God Made You Special. At the end of this video there is a story about snoodles. Snoodles are created instead of being born. When they appear they are given the gifts that their creator intends for them to use in the purpose each one was intended to accomplish. One snoodle apparently was given some gifts that were different and so the other snoodles would draw pictures of him that put him down. As each picture was drawn the little snoodle would accept the picture and put it in his backpack. After a while the snoodle started to feel like he was a worthless snoodle. So he left. As he journeyed others added negative pictures to his pack which by this point was pretty heavy. Then as he continues on his journey he encounters his creator. The snoodle's creator had the little snoodle throw away all the other pictures that had been weighing him down. The Creator gave him a new picture of him to put in the backpack-- a picture of how the Creator sees the snoodle. This picture shows a strong, free, and happy snoodle who is doing what he was created to do. Then the Creator tells the snoodle that the only picture he needs in his backpack is this new picture. When the snoodle accepts this new picture he is free, he can fly, and he is much happier.
I have never been able to lead a self-esteem group or counsel in the area of self-esteem in the way the books I have read have suggested because I do not find it Biblical. If we look inside ourselves to find our value then we don't find what we need to develop this "self-esteem". Our value does not come from ourselves. It comes from our loving, heavenly Father who created us. It HIS view of us that we need to be grasping, not some illusion of how good we are. The illusion we create for ourselves is first of all not accurate and second of all unstable. One minute the things we have used to find our value or "self-esteem" are there, but the next minute they could be gone. However, God's view of us is constant. His love for us is unconditional. Therefore, HIS view of each one of us is never going to change. So we can count on it and should base our value on that instead of the illusionary "self-esteem".
This ironically is also the solution to pride as well. If we each gain a view of how God sees us then we will not see ourselves too highly or too low. That is true humility. When I was in YWAM they taught my DTS class that humility is seeing ourselves the way God sees us. So instead of trying to gain self-esteem perhaps we should be asking God for true humility.
What can we learn from this snoodle mentioned above. Perhaps that we should each individually ask our creator for a picture of how he sees us. He values us so much that he sent his one and only son Jesus to die a gruesome, cruel death in order for us to have forgiveness for our sins. If we are that important then our value must be very high. Neil T. Anderson has a list of things that show our value and are in each individual picture God has of his children. The list goes as follows:
I am God's child (John 1:12).
I am a friend of Christ (John 15:15).
I have been justified (Romans 5:1).
I am united with the Lord and am one with him in spirit (I Corinthians 6:17).
I have been bought with a price and I belong to God (I Corinthians 6: 19-20).
I am a member of Christ's body (I Corinthians 12:27).
I have been chosen by God and adopted as his child (Ephesians 1:3-8).
I have been redeemed and forgiven of all my sins (Colossians 1:13-14).
I am complete in Christ (Colossians 2:9-10).
I have direct access to the throne of grace through Jesus Christ (Hebrews 4:14-16).
I am free from condemnation (Romans 8:1-2).
I am assured that God works for good in all my circumstances (Romans 8:28).
I am free from any condemnation brought against me and I cannot be separated from the love of God (Romans 8:31-39).
I have been established, annointed, and sealed by God (2 Corinthians 1:21-22).
I am hidden with Christ in God (Colossians 3:1-4).
I am confident that God will complete the good work he started in me (Philippians 1:6).
I am a citizen of heaven (Philippians 3:20)
I have not been given a spirit of fear but of power, love, and sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7).
I am born of God and the evil one can not touch me (I John 5:18).
I am a branch of Jesus Christ, the true vine, and a channel of his life (John 15:5).
I have been chosen and appointed to bear fruit (John 15:16).
I am God's temple (I Corinthians 3:16).
I am a minister of reconciliation for God (2 Corinthians 5:17-21).
I am seated with Christ in the heavenly realm (Ephesians 2:6).
I am God's workmanship (Ephesians 2:10).
I may approach God with freedom and confidence (Ephesians 3:12).
I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13).
This list is in the book The Bondage Breaker by Neil T. Anderson. He also has a ministry titled Freedom In Christ Ministries. The website is http://www.ficm.org/.
This week as I was watching the video with my children I realized that I somehow had lost the picture God had drawn that shows how he sees me. At one point I felt pretty confident in the Lord and his unconditional love for me. However, at some point I have lost sight of it and started doing what this little snoodle did and started accepting others pictures of me. I just knew I disappointed everyone and that no one liked me-- even though that is not true. I have found myself longing for someone's approval and acceptance. However, no matter how much approval or acceptance others have given me I still have felt insecure, lost, and alone. I realized that I have been holding on to negative thoughts and comments about me and have been vulnerable to the opinions of others. This is not a good place to be for many reasons. One reason is that others opinions change all the time. The second is that others opinions are not always accurate. However, the most important reason is that no matter how much another person approves of me it will never satisfy what I am longing for-- that is God's approval and acceptance. Ironically, I have been looking for approval and acceptance, but have had it the whole time from the Lord. Like I said before no matter how much approval and accpetance I recieve from others it will never satisfy the deepest longings of my heart-- only God can. So I like that snoodle have accepted pictures of myself that are not true. So I am letting go of them and allowing God to draw my portrait as he sees me. Sometimes this will be easy-- other times difficult, but no matter what it will meet my deepest needs and give me true humility instead of the very much unsatisfying self-esteem.
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