Trials!!!! January 31, 2003 at 9:06pm was the day of my husband's first grand mal seizure after a 23 year absence of them. This was the first of many as they continued until 2008 and I stopped counting after 25 the first year. That is not how many happened the first year that is just when I stopped counting.
Our lifestyle was so different back then. I had finished my MA in counseling six months earlier and had been working in my new field for for almost four months. Things were settling down for us. We had no children yet so we were enjoying a relaxed time together and doing things there had not been time for while I was in school and working. I remember telling Vic just a few days before this date that this was the best I could ever remember my life to be.
It didn't last for long. I went to work on Friday, January 31, 2003 just like any other weekday. I got off work and Vic and I went out for pizza. We found this little pizza place in Nashville and we really liked it and thought we might go back there. Vic was driving us home to our little apartment when just before the interstate exit we lived off of he told me that he was having this strange ringing in his ears (soon we would learn that ringing was significant as it happened just before his grand mal seizures). He didn't like it and it made him uncomfortable. He finished driving us home. We had been home approximately 5 minutes when at 9:06pm he started acting strange. His eyes would roll to one direction and he would not be able to hear me talk to him. The reason I know it was 9:06 is because he had a clock in his hand when it started.
I walked into the kitchen and called a friend of mine who was in medical school and asked what a seizure looked like because I thought Vic could be having one and I had never seen one. Then I heard a grunting sound in the bedroom so I went back and Vic was lying on the bed convulsing. Yep, no doubt now this was a seizure. I felt like time stopped for a minute then I panicked. I didn't know what to do so I asked my friend on the phone who said call 911. So I did.
I remember being so afraid that Vic would vomit and choke to death (why that came to my mind I am not sure) so I was trying to hold the phone with the 911 operator and keep Vic on his side. I was not strong enough to continue this so the 911 operator told me to stop trying to hold him on his side. Then I had to tell the ambulance the code to enter the gated comunity we lived in and then the ambulance got lost in our apartment complex. It seemed like hours before the ambulance got there, but it had really on been about 10-15 minutes since the seizure started. The ambulance came and took Vic to the hospital. I drove myself to the hospital the ambulance crew told me to get a friend to do it, but I was so frantic to be near Vic and know that he was okay so I drove myself. Now that I think back that probably was not the smartest move, but the Lord protected me because I made it to the hopsital without incident.
Seizures became quite common place after awhile and I did not have such an emotional response to them after a while. Eventually I had the attitude "Oh, Vic just had another seizure." Then went on with life. Others around me did not have my response though and often were freaked out or scared. Vic had grand mal seizures in all sorts of places the living room floor, in bed in the middle of the night beside me, sitting in the passenger side of the front seat on Pennyrile parkway in KY on Thanksgiving night, at a gas station at a busy intersection right in the path of traffic, when being first time visitors at a church (Trust me everyone knew who we were), I could go on and on with this list. Our lives literally became held hostage by seizures. We lived life with the constant awareness that one never knew when the next seizure would come.
At our house we want to remember now to always be grateful that God delivered Vic and our family from that life of bondage to seizures.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Pinewood Derby
This morning was the Pinewood Derby. Caleb's car didn't win the race for speed, but he did get a blue ribbon for having the most decals. Caleb had a terrific time decorating his car and he had a wonderful time participating in the derby. We are already talking about next year's car.
Friday, January 21, 2011
Current Lapbooks
We love lapbooking at our homeschool Vanderhoof School Of Excellence. This is Simeon's most recent lapbook about Noah's Ark. Caleb started his about the Oregon Trail. We read a little about the Oregon Trail and started with just this small portion of the lapbook. We homeschool 6 days a week year round. Saturdays are the days we do our lapbooks-- except Simeon does more of them since he is only 4. We have discovered they are a great way to learn things and organize what we are learning. Caleb works on the rest of his school work during the week. We enjoy our lapbook time. I have planned out our lapbooks before from scratch. However, these days I am using some already planned out for me. Let me give credit where credit is due. I got these layouts on line. Simeon's came from 1+1+1=1 and Caleb's has come from lapbook lessons. I look forward to sharing future pictures of our lapbooks. This weekend however we will not be lapbooking due to the Pinewood Derby. I look forward to sharing this experience with you. Caleb has worked hard on his car and can not wait to race it. Simeon is excited to watch all the derby cars.Sunday, January 16, 2011
Remembering Days Gone By: Martin Luther King Day
I am working tomorrow which is Martin Luther King Day with a fully booked day and events going in the evening so I am posting these remembrances a day early.
I shared on Friday that my husband was told on the Friday before Martin Luther King Day that he was a candidate for brain surgery that they wanted to do in February. Well, we were still adjusting to the news when we got a phone call that made the rest of our days until March 3rd back in 2008 a blur. I know the significant dates and what corresponded on them, but can't remember the details very well.
On Martin Luther King Day I recieved a phone call from Heartland Human Services offering me a position as an outpatient therapist working primarily in the area of substance abuse. I was very much overwhelmed at that point. I remember telling Ms. Compton on the phone that I would have to call her back because we just discovered on Friday that my husband is having brain surgery in February. I called her a few days later and accepted the job, but my goodness was I overwhelmed. Now we had an interstate move, my starting a new position that would advance my career, and my husband would have brain surgery in a five week time period. The pieces were set in motion.
It was also a big relief too. See my husband had a business failure less than a year prior. The stress had caused his epilepsy to worsen and left him unable to hold down a job any longer. So I was carrying the financially devastating consequences alone. I was also the only one who could drive as well. If anything went wrong we would be homeless or if I could not make arrangements at work and they ran out of milk or something like that then my family went without. Sometimes for a few days. I was relieved that now we would be moving near family. If something went wrong there would be others there to help and a spare room of a family member as opposed to sleeping in our car if it ever came to that.
It was such a relief. I look forward to sharing the miracles from this time.
I shared on Friday that my husband was told on the Friday before Martin Luther King Day that he was a candidate for brain surgery that they wanted to do in February. Well, we were still adjusting to the news when we got a phone call that made the rest of our days until March 3rd back in 2008 a blur. I know the significant dates and what corresponded on them, but can't remember the details very well.
On Martin Luther King Day I recieved a phone call from Heartland Human Services offering me a position as an outpatient therapist working primarily in the area of substance abuse. I was very much overwhelmed at that point. I remember telling Ms. Compton on the phone that I would have to call her back because we just discovered on Friday that my husband is having brain surgery in February. I called her a few days later and accepted the job, but my goodness was I overwhelmed. Now we had an interstate move, my starting a new position that would advance my career, and my husband would have brain surgery in a five week time period. The pieces were set in motion.
It was also a big relief too. See my husband had a business failure less than a year prior. The stress had caused his epilepsy to worsen and left him unable to hold down a job any longer. So I was carrying the financially devastating consequences alone. I was also the only one who could drive as well. If anything went wrong we would be homeless or if I could not make arrangements at work and they ran out of milk or something like that then my family went without. Sometimes for a few days. I was relieved that now we would be moving near family. If something went wrong there would be others there to help and a spare room of a family member as opposed to sleeping in our car if it ever came to that.
It was such a relief. I look forward to sharing the miracles from this time.
Friday, January 14, 2011
How do we define sin
It seems the longer I am in counseling the more this bothers me-- couples living together instead of or before getting married. It seems I am meeting more and more women in counseling that don't want to get married but prefer this "shacking up". The fact that the Bible is clear that sex outside of marriage is sin aside let's look at this from a security and well-being stand point.
One of the biggest reasons I hear for not getting married is that she can leave whenever she wants to. It is much easier to leave. This is true and I will not deny that, but the other side of the coin is that he is free to leave as well. So she can be left with racked up bills, children to care for (that he now could very well feel no obligation). I see it happen more than you would care to know. What about the children? God created marriage to be the environment that children are raised in for a reason. How secure is a child's life when either parent is free to leave whenever they want to?
Then there is the blessings of the Lord. The Bible is clear that this "shacking up" is sin and he can not bless sin. Do you want to live your life without God's blessing? I certainly don't.
Marriage is a covenant and if you shack up you miss the covenantal protection of the Lord on your life. Our society and unfortunately the American Church has forgotten this as they condone this behavior by saying nothing.
There is certainly higher levels of obligation to each other if you are married.
Our society is so backwards-- heterosexuals are running from marriage while homosexuals are fighting for the right to get married. All the while the church is not calling sin what it is sin. Why is this?
It seems recently that I have been in discussions with some pastors who are defining sin by what feels right to them instead of what the Bible says. The Bible clearly says that there is a way that seems right to man, but it leads to destruction. So let's define sin by what the Bible says-- not what we feel. Also let's be in prayer that God bring about a revival in this country so that we get our lives right with him as a nation.
One of the biggest reasons I hear for not getting married is that she can leave whenever she wants to. It is much easier to leave. This is true and I will not deny that, but the other side of the coin is that he is free to leave as well. So she can be left with racked up bills, children to care for (that he now could very well feel no obligation). I see it happen more than you would care to know. What about the children? God created marriage to be the environment that children are raised in for a reason. How secure is a child's life when either parent is free to leave whenever they want to?
Then there is the blessings of the Lord. The Bible is clear that this "shacking up" is sin and he can not bless sin. Do you want to live your life without God's blessing? I certainly don't.
Marriage is a covenant and if you shack up you miss the covenantal protection of the Lord on your life. Our society and unfortunately the American Church has forgotten this as they condone this behavior by saying nothing.
There is certainly higher levels of obligation to each other if you are married.
Our society is so backwards-- heterosexuals are running from marriage while homosexuals are fighting for the right to get married. All the while the church is not calling sin what it is sin. Why is this?
It seems recently that I have been in discussions with some pastors who are defining sin by what feels right to them instead of what the Bible says. The Bible clearly says that there is a way that seems right to man, but it leads to destruction. So let's define sin by what the Bible says-- not what we feel. Also let's be in prayer that God bring about a revival in this country so that we get our lives right with him as a nation.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Remembering Days Past-- Friday before Martin Luther King Day
I am going to follow the lead of my friend Vicky Stankus as my family enters a time of many anniversaries for significant events and share them with you as they come.
This one is the Friday preceding Martin Luther King Day of 2008. As the day began I had no idea what a big event was about to unfold. My family was exhausted from the previous years of seizures-- seizures had stolen our lives, but that will be another soon to come remembering days gone by. It had been five years of seizures.
My mother-in-law and father-in-law had come into town to help us. I was working 2 jobs and my hours totalled 95 hours a week betweent the 2. So I needed much help. Vic had a test called WADA that day and I did not have time left to take off at work to take him. So my in-laws had come into town to help with the transportation and child care. This was the last of many tests my husband had gone through. It was determined that my husband was a candidate for a brain surgery called surgical epileptic correction and that they wanted to do surgery in February. The test revealed so much to us. Vic had always struggled with learning disabilities and it was believed to be due to the seizures. The test shed so much light on this.
The procedure for the WADA test goes like this. There is some type of instrument inserted up to the brain through the arteries in the groin area. This instrument is used to put the right half of the brain asleep while cognitive function is tested on the left side of the brain. Then the left side is put to sleep in order to test the right side. Tests showed that Vic's right half of his brain had good cognitive function while his left half of the brain had almost no cognitive function.
This changed my perspective a lot. There were areas of frustration with my husband in which I could just not understand and he could not understand either. I was angry with him for not thinking things through well or not considering this thing or that thing. I learned that what I was expecting of my husband involved thinking that utilized both sides of the brain. It was the beginning of being healed. I had thought my husband did not love me or that he just did not care. That was never the case, but we had not been able to work past this until those test results. I all of a sudden understood that my husband was truly loving me to the best of his abilities and the manner in which I was expecting him to show love was not possible for him. I had to lower my expectations. Then I was able to accept love from Vic and it did help in the forgiveness process.
A couple of take away thoughts. When I look back there are so many times when I held things against Vic that I wish I would have given him the benefit of the doubt. We need to make sure we have reasonable expectations of others. It is also a reminder that we rarely have the whole pictures so the conclusions we come to are often inaccurate so we need to keep that in mind as we deal with others in our daily lives.
This one is the Friday preceding Martin Luther King Day of 2008. As the day began I had no idea what a big event was about to unfold. My family was exhausted from the previous years of seizures-- seizures had stolen our lives, but that will be another soon to come remembering days gone by. It had been five years of seizures.
My mother-in-law and father-in-law had come into town to help us. I was working 2 jobs and my hours totalled 95 hours a week betweent the 2. So I needed much help. Vic had a test called WADA that day and I did not have time left to take off at work to take him. So my in-laws had come into town to help with the transportation and child care. This was the last of many tests my husband had gone through. It was determined that my husband was a candidate for a brain surgery called surgical epileptic correction and that they wanted to do surgery in February. The test revealed so much to us. Vic had always struggled with learning disabilities and it was believed to be due to the seizures. The test shed so much light on this.
The procedure for the WADA test goes like this. There is some type of instrument inserted up to the brain through the arteries in the groin area. This instrument is used to put the right half of the brain asleep while cognitive function is tested on the left side of the brain. Then the left side is put to sleep in order to test the right side. Tests showed that Vic's right half of his brain had good cognitive function while his left half of the brain had almost no cognitive function.
This changed my perspective a lot. There were areas of frustration with my husband in which I could just not understand and he could not understand either. I was angry with him for not thinking things through well or not considering this thing or that thing. I learned that what I was expecting of my husband involved thinking that utilized both sides of the brain. It was the beginning of being healed. I had thought my husband did not love me or that he just did not care. That was never the case, but we had not been able to work past this until those test results. I all of a sudden understood that my husband was truly loving me to the best of his abilities and the manner in which I was expecting him to show love was not possible for him. I had to lower my expectations. Then I was able to accept love from Vic and it did help in the forgiveness process.
A couple of take away thoughts. When I look back there are so many times when I held things against Vic that I wish I would have given him the benefit of the doubt. We need to make sure we have reasonable expectations of others. It is also a reminder that we rarely have the whole pictures so the conclusions we come to are often inaccurate so we need to keep that in mind as we deal with others in our daily lives.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
I have had difficulty getting pictures to load here in the past, but I guess I have it figured out now. The profile picture on this blog was taken in October, 2009 and this one was taken on January 1, 2011. It is amazing to see how much my boys have grown in the last 2 years. It seems like they grow up so fast. I am afraid to blink because the next thing I know they will be in college or getting married or having children of their own. Time goes so quickly.Where is your place in the battle?
I take the words of Jesus very seriously in Matthew 28: 18-20
"All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."
Ephesians 6:12 also tells us we are in a spiritual battle. The fact of the matter is we live in a hurting and dying world and we have THE ANSWER. We have according to scripture the one and only true answer. However, our culture is full of so many lies. Lies that tell us if we follow the Lord's ways that we will somehow miss out on life. Those lies lead to emptiness and further pain and heartache. Scripture says that there is a way that seems right to man, but in the end it leads to destruction. However, our culture and the church in America has bought into so many of the lies. It seems that the things that are truly right are considered wrong, but the things that are truly wrong are considered right.
As Christians we do have obligations to the condition of our society. In 2 Chronicles 7:14 we are told to humble ourselves, pray, seek God's face, and turn from our wicked ways. We are also told in Matthew 28 (passage quoted above) to go into the world and make disciples. No where in scripture does it say for the pastor or the missionary -- it says EVERY SINGLE CHRISTIAN is to be doing this. Scripture also makes it clear that since the fall of Lucifer that there is a spiritual battle going on. Therefore, every Christian has a place in that battle.
I challenge you to get on your knees and ask God to show you where your place is in that battle and faithfully do it. What is your place in the battle?
"All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."
Ephesians 6:12 also tells us we are in a spiritual battle. The fact of the matter is we live in a hurting and dying world and we have THE ANSWER. We have according to scripture the one and only true answer. However, our culture is full of so many lies. Lies that tell us if we follow the Lord's ways that we will somehow miss out on life. Those lies lead to emptiness and further pain and heartache. Scripture says that there is a way that seems right to man, but in the end it leads to destruction. However, our culture and the church in America has bought into so many of the lies. It seems that the things that are truly right are considered wrong, but the things that are truly wrong are considered right.
As Christians we do have obligations to the condition of our society. In 2 Chronicles 7:14 we are told to humble ourselves, pray, seek God's face, and turn from our wicked ways. We are also told in Matthew 28 (passage quoted above) to go into the world and make disciples. No where in scripture does it say for the pastor or the missionary -- it says EVERY SINGLE CHRISTIAN is to be doing this. Scripture also makes it clear that since the fall of Lucifer that there is a spiritual battle going on. Therefore, every Christian has a place in that battle.
I challenge you to get on your knees and ask God to show you where your place is in that battle and faithfully do it. What is your place in the battle?
The New Year
Many times by now I have set my goals for the new year. My typical method is to pray and seek the Lord about what those goals are to be. This year I have not sensed the Lord impressing goals as much as I have some verses.
Psalms 39:4
Show me, O Lord, my life's end and the number of my days;
let me know how fleeting is my life.
Psalms 90:12
Teach us to number our days aright,
that we may gain a heart of wisdom.
Ephesians 5:15-16
Be very careful, then, how you live-- not as unwise, but as wise,
making the most of every opportunity because the days are evil.
I definitely sense the Lord asking me to make wise use of my time. So I have spent time looking for ways to make better use of family time, time with my husband, and what ways I am wasting time. I realized that I have probably spent more time on Facebook and watching TV than I should be. The funny thing is I don't really enjoy watching TV all that much and I have been finding that I miss actual conversation and interaction with people and Facebook does not provide those things. However, I do have contact with people who are dear to me through Facebook who otherwise would not be a part of my life. So I have been talking to the Lord about the matter and am limiting the time I spend on Facebook in order to maintain some of those relationships. I also want to share more about our family and things the Lord puts on my heart.
So concerning the computer I have a limited time for social websites that I have given myself everyday and I also plan to post updates here on this blog once every weekend. I have not fully learned how to use this blog and I look forward to learning as well as sharing what I feel the Lord lays on my heart every weekend. I look forward it!!
Since the final Christmas celebrations happened last weekend followed by a feverish child I did not get this posted last weekend. Therefore I will add an additional post this weekend.
Have a great 2011!!!!!
Psalms 39:4
Show me, O Lord, my life's end and the number of my days;
let me know how fleeting is my life.
Psalms 90:12
Teach us to number our days aright,
that we may gain a heart of wisdom.
Ephesians 5:15-16
Be very careful, then, how you live-- not as unwise, but as wise,
making the most of every opportunity because the days are evil.
I definitely sense the Lord asking me to make wise use of my time. So I have spent time looking for ways to make better use of family time, time with my husband, and what ways I am wasting time. I realized that I have probably spent more time on Facebook and watching TV than I should be. The funny thing is I don't really enjoy watching TV all that much and I have been finding that I miss actual conversation and interaction with people and Facebook does not provide those things. However, I do have contact with people who are dear to me through Facebook who otherwise would not be a part of my life. So I have been talking to the Lord about the matter and am limiting the time I spend on Facebook in order to maintain some of those relationships. I also want to share more about our family and things the Lord puts on my heart.
So concerning the computer I have a limited time for social websites that I have given myself everyday and I also plan to post updates here on this blog once every weekend. I have not fully learned how to use this blog and I look forward to learning as well as sharing what I feel the Lord lays on my heart every weekend. I look forward it!!
Since the final Christmas celebrations happened last weekend followed by a feverish child I did not get this posted last weekend. Therefore I will add an additional post this weekend.
Have a great 2011!!!!!
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