Depression

I have been praying about doing a post like this since before we left Kentucky. To be quite honest I really did not want to do it. However, I sense the Holy Spirit continuing to lead me to share about my battle with depression. We all have our breaking point and those of you who have read my review on the MP3 download Just Say No by Lorrie Flem have heard about the time in my life where I met and passed my breaking point. Every one of us responds or reacts differently to passing up our breaking point. In my case I became severely depressed, but I was so busy dealing with all the situations in the life of my family that I did not give myself time to see how terribly depressed I was. I was suicidal, but ironically I hospitalized and stopped others from committing suicide in my former career. I was not suicidal for a short period of time either. My suicidal condition started in March of 2003- November 2011. Two weeks before Thanksgiving I remember praying on a Sunday morning telling the Lord that if he did not break through this deep discouragement I was feeling that my life had no hope. That very morning a traveling evangelist spoke at our church about discouragement of all things. When you pray about something as desperately as I was and three hours later there is a sermon preached addressing that very thing you go forward to pray and that is what I did. November 2011 I stopped being suicidal. That was progress for me. However, the world was still a dark scary place and I was still severely depressed. It was also a catch 22 for me because counseling would not be the normal counseling experience for me. I was the therapist in the office for eight and a half years. Not to mention that I did seek out counseling a couple of times throughout those years and was told I possessed the skills I needed to work through my issues and was then turned away as a client-- by the way as a former professional therapist in the field that was highly unethical. So I did not know what to do. After much prayer, talking with my husband, and with my sister who works as a therapist in Kentucky, and deliberation I decided to be honest with my doctor. She prescribed me an anti-depressant medication. It has been just what I needed. I do have the skills to process and heal, but I apparently needed the additional help of more serotonin in my system. About a month after taking the medication I noticed that a cloud in my brain was gone. I smiled and I actually meant it. I laughed and it was not fake, but real. Now I am not out here to say that every person should take this type of medication. There are some who should not take the medication and just dealing with their issues is all they need. There are others like me who do need the medication. I do not know if I will be on it permanently or temporarily. What I do know is that depression stops life, it affects all those around you, and I hurts very much.

I wanted to share this because I have heard some ridiculous things come out of the mouths of Christians sometimes (who did not know they were talking to someone who was depressed). I would hear things like "A Christian has no business being depressed since the Bible says to be joyful always." or "It is a sin for a Christian to be depressed because they are not casting their burdens on the Lord." or "A Christian being depressed means that they are disobeying God by not being joyful always." These type of statements are quite frankly short sighted, judgemental, and not made in the spirit of grace. I have seen all the scriptures reference in by these statements and yes they are in the Bible, but what I have not seen is the Bible say-- A Christian will never be depressed while choosing joy (which is not a feeling by the way) nor does the Bible say that a Christian will never be depressed while casting their burdens on the Lord. The Lord is not judging the depressed person in fact it is quite the opposite-- the Lord hurts when we do. He knows our suffering and he deals with us gently instead of harshly. I want to share with you today that if you are in pain or depressed that God is waiting to meet you with grace and compassion. He wants you to pour your heart out and admit to your pain and struggle. It is only then that you can come to grips with it and heal from it. Isaiah 42:3 says, "A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out." Isaiah 49:16 "See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me." These are just a couple of verses that have brought me comfort and I wanted to share them with you. They are full of grace and love. I want to encourage you if you are depressed to admit it to yourself, the Lord, and then seek out the help of a competent Christian counselor or pastor who is gifted in the area of counseling. Then begin to work through the pain and grief in your life. I believe that if we will all begin to share our own pain and struggles that we will truly become stronger and all of us will grow as a result.



I have ended this post with a link to Web-MD where they list the symptoms of depression. If you suffer then get help, but I urge Christians to seek out Christian counseling.

http://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/detecting-depression

Just Say No

I have to admit that this is a transition time in my life. I went from being a professional woman with two small children and a disabled husband to a stay-at-home, homeschooling mom with a no longer disabled husband starting a family business. I do welcome the transition, but along with comes pain. I know some think my pain stems from missing my career-- I really do not miss my career. There is not a minute that goes by that I miss it. The pain for me was the eight and a half years that led up to my homecoming.

Here is a list of what we lived through from 2003-2008. My husband's seizures (statistics were done and he had an average of 3 violent grand mal seizures per week over a period of five years) combined with daily petit mal seizures. Ten days after the first seizure I found out I was pregnant (I had been told I could not get pregnant so imagine our shock). Two weeks later I miscarried. The day before the miscarriage was confirmed we took every penny out of our savings to fix our car. Then the same day as the miscarriage confirmation we were told we would need an additional $3500. Then after that every other week for 6 months that car broke down. On average we paid $735.11 a month to keep that car running. Then after we replaced the car a week later Vic had the second biggest seizure during those five years. He had been on a tractor mower when it happened and fortunately the safety features were still in place so the mower shut off or my husband would have been killed. Then I was pregnant again. After this high risk pregnancy we have are so grateful for the joy Caleb brings to our lives. Then while I was going through another high risk pregnancy my husband's business goes under. For some reason Vic's doctor had given him clearance to drive and I would continualy lose the argument about the safety of his driving. Then Vic had the biggest seizure out of those five years while driving down I65 with 2 year old Caleb in the truck. I was 6 months pregnant with Simeon at the time. It was a bad accident, but no serious injuries. The seizures got worse from that point on. The business failure had left us with horrible debt and my husband could no longer work. So I worked 95 hours a week. Then February 19, 2008 Vic had brain surgery and the seizures stopped. He has not had another one and he no longer takes any medication. Praise The Lord!!! Four days after brain surgery we moved from Tennessee to Illinois. Then I started a new position as substance abuse therapist at a community mental health center.

Then the remainder of 2008-2012 has been a climb out of the depths from which we were. Really we are still climbing. I left my career in mid-2011. We did this not because we met the goals we planned to meet, but because I mentally could not be in my career anymore. We wanted me to come home and had a goal set that once we got to that point I would come home. However, here I was not able to go on anymore so I came home. God has been faithful and I want to make that clear, but that is not what I want to point out in this review. See I had years of built up grief, pain, disappointment, times of shell-shock, and just many emotional things I had not dealt with because I simply did the next thing I had to do. Then when I kept doing therapy it took any mental space I needed for myself to heal. I got to a point where I HAD to start healing.

What I did not expect was how quickly my time filled once I came home full time. I have often asked myself how that happened. Then I listened to author and speaker Lorrie Flem's MP3 download JUST SAY NO. I tell you I am crying right now as I write this. Lorrie said many truly great things in this teaching. However, the part that stood out to me and is still making me wipe my tears as I type was when she talked about how we only have so much brain space. I realized that my brain space is full with sorting through my own pain and finding healing that is okay. I also see 2 commitments I am involved in that I will not be involved in next year. I committed to helping lead Caleb's Wolf Den and I am a Sparks leader at AWANA. Both of those are good things and in fact they are things that I would normally enjoy, but to be honest right now I hate both of them. There will likely come a time when I will enjoy these things again, but not right now. Right now I need to give my brain the space to heal. I will not be the wife and mother I am capable of being nor the woman God desires for me to be if I don't take that time. I am evaluating my commitments from this point as to how much brain space I need to heal. I would have felt guilty about that six months ago, but when Lorrie talked about only having so much brain space she somehow said to me that I had permission to take it and heal. So that is what I am going to do. Only by making this choice am I going to become the wife, mother, and Christian the Lord desires for me to be.

I would highly recommend the MP3 download JUST SAY NO by author/speaker Lorrie Flem. She has some valuable insights as to how to evaluate your commitments. This download can be purchase through the Eternal Encouragement website using the following link http://www.eternalencouragement.com/theshop/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=5&products_id=875

Note: I received JUST SAY NO as an official member of the Gabby Moms blogging program in exchange for my honest review.

What are you doing to spread the Gospel

Matthew 28:18-20

Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go into all the world and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

I mentioned in a previous post that my family spent a month in Ashland, Kentucky where my husband volunteered a month of his time working at Southland Bible Institute. While we were there a family came for 10 days. The Regans are raising support to be a missionary family at Southland Bible Institute teaching music. They were an encouragement to me and in many ways their family challenged me in areas where my walk with the Lord was lacking. One of those challenges was in the area of evangelism. Bob and Abigail take all five children(six after the one expected in May arrives) out to hand out tracks and witness about Christ. They were able to be outside the Ashland Wal-Mart for two and a half hours before management kicked them out.

This made me stop and think about our family. What are we doing to share the gospel? How are we participating in evangelism? In Matthew 28, The Great Commission (quoted above) does not say that pastors or evangelists are supposed to share the Gospel. They are. It does not say missionaries are supposed to share the Gospel. They are. ALL Christians are called to share the Gospel. The Great commission is clear about this. I began to ask myself what our family is doing to share the Gospel. The Lord might not be asking us to hand out tracks at Wal-Mart or he might be. The fact of the matter is Vic and I have never asked God what our family is supposed to be doing to fulfill the Great Commission as a family. So, that night I brought it up to Vic. We have prayed, talked, and basically sought the Lord about this issue. The Lord is faithful and gave us some guidance. At this time we do not believe we are called to hand out tracks at Wal-Mart (we could be called to do that some day), but we believe the Lord has led us to walk through our town and pray over each house we walk by for revival, spiritual renewal, and salvation if any one in that family has not given their heart the Lord. So that is where we start. We are going on prayer walks throughout our town. Our goal is to one day have prayed over every single house in town. We believe the Lord will lead us from there.

What is your family called to do in order to fulfill The Great Commission? What are you called to do as an individual? As a married couple? I challenge you to seek the Lord and get in the race.

Freedom Day

Today is February 19, 2012. We have officially declared it a holiday at our house. We are calling it Freedom Day. Today marks the four year anniversary when my husband went in to Vanderbilt Hospital in Nashville, TN and had brain surgery. For those of you new to Vanderhoof House, my husband had been plagued with debilitating seizures and they had eaten away at his cognitive function. Well, since February 19, 2008 Vic has had no seizures, he no longer takes medication. and his cognitive funtion has and still continues to return. This freed our family in so many ways and we are still finding new freedoms as we continue on in our journey. So today we celebrate 4 years seizure free. Praise the Lord for his amazing work in our family.

Unexpected break

On January 8th our family left to spend a month in Ashland, KY where my husband was volunteering a month of service to help with maintenance projects at Southland Bible Institute. We packed some of our belongings along with our school curriculum and tagged along. Overall it was a great trip, but I discovered once we arrived that I would not have the internet access I was expecting to have. This made blogging much more difficult. So the reason you have not seen things updated on this blog is because I had very limited internet access. We are planning to resume normal scheduling tomorrow so hopefully I will be updating with stories, lessons learned, fun, etc from our trip.