As times became hard for my family I became desperate for someone to understand me. To understand what I was going through. There are many well meaning people or others who may were not so well meaning and just wanted me to leave them alone possibly. Anyway, I often for whatever reason kept have the scripture, "But one thing I do, Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which Christ has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." found in Philippians 3:13-14.
I remember so many times thinking, "Move ahead to what?" I saw no end in sight to the suffering my family was going through. Then even after my husband's brain surgery and life for our family was improving I still could not seem to see that first of all things were getting better or second of all that there was any hope for my family. I believed we were hopelessly down for the count. I would agonize over this passage because I truly want to live Biblically. Then one day I was reading and a sentence for verse 15 jumped off the page at me. Verse 15b says, "And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you." I decided at that point that I was going to talk to God about the fact that I was seeing things differently.
It was not long later that during some study of another passage it occured to me that, yes my family and I had become vicitms in the past, but I did not rise above it. Instead I developed a victim mentality. I realized I was going to continue to be victimized as long as I saw myself as a victim. Then I realized while looking at another passage that one of the big ways I kept this vicitm mentality going was that I kept running away from the things that I am afraid of. Instead I need to run straight at it and face the things I am afraid of otherwise I will be held hostage to those things. I needed to overcome. So I resolved that I would overcome. I started facing at least one each week. It is so nice to finally be finding freedom again. I am looking forward to what the Lord has in store now.