We have made some changes in the last few months. The biggest of these is that I took on a weekend job. I am a server at Cracker Barrel 11-7 Saturdays and Sundays. It is what I needed to do for our family after the drought last year. Vic passed the state's test and became licensed to sell life and health insurance. He has more tests to go to be able to sell property and casualty insurance. Before his brain surgery five years ago something like this would not have been possible. This mowing season is shaping up a bit different than last years. First of all it has been a wet and cold spring. It has rained, rained, and rained some more. Farmers have not been able to get into their fields in this farming community so far this year. So Vic has been mowing a lot. Financial recovery will take a while for us, but it is so good to see better times on the horizon.
Caleb started piano lessons a couple of months ago and he really loves them. Those lessons have been so good for him. He also started Brain Integration Therapy and using Right Brain Phonics techniques to deal with his dyslexic symptoms. So far he seems to be feeling so much more hopeful which has made a big difference in his work. However, it takes approximately 3 months to see if it is actually working. Sometime this summer I hope to start him in some dance classes as well and to do a theater camp and a puppet workshop in addition to Cub Scout Camp and swimming lessons (last time he took swimming lessons after day 2 he fell and had to get stitches in his knee which ended the swimming lessons). It is neet to watch him grow in his talents and also to see his character develop as he faces his challenges.
Simeon will be a Tiger Cub in the Cub Scouts officially on June 1st and will be going to Cub Scout Camp as well. We are praying that this year (on our seventh attempt) that he will put the headphones on his head and actually take a hearing test. I have suspected hearing loss for a long time and tried to get his tested so we can address it. I am considering a really good high quality sign language class for our homeschool next year. We will see. Simeon will finally pedal so I am going to attempt to replace his inner tubes and tires on his bike this summer (I am not mechanically inclined so I have this turns out well) and he can learn to ride a bike. We will also explore some other sports for fun.
As far as our school right now we are making a detailed model of the DeSmet, South Dakota town as it is being settled during the time that the Ingalls family lived there as we work to finish the Little House series. The Ingalls lived in DeSmet during By The Shores of Silver Lake, The Long Winter, Little Town on the Prairie, and These Happy Golden Years. It is also where Laura Ingalls and Almanzo Wilder met and married. What started out as a time of reading and eating pistachios turned into a major project that is going to take us a long time to finish, but the boys keep coming up with more and more ideas. We are also trying to take advantage of nice weather while we have it. So we are going on many Nature Walks and Treasure Walks. Soon we will take art supplies, go out in nature, stop somewhere and make a work of art out of what we are seeing.
I have two big challenges right now. The first is fitting into 4-5 days what I did in 7 before. I will figure it out and we will get a good routine going. The other big challenge is that we are trying to be patient while we wait to plant our garden, but it has been too wet and cold. I am hoping Friday may be that Vic can take the tiller to it and then we can get to work on the vegetable and herb gardens. Then make our flower beds look nice. It is all a work in progress, but slow and steady wins the race. I just thought I would update our family.
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
Friday, May 3, 2013
The Power of Our Testimony
I have not blogged in a very long time. I have had some struggles that I needed to come to a place of peace concerning. There was someone in my life who was really critical of the fact that I blog. This was someone with whom I have close contact with and will continue to have close contact. She for a long time did not let up of her criticism of me. Finally there was some break through and I have had some healing to do. She and I do not agree on sharing what the Lord is doing in our lives-- that is supposed to be private according to her. I believe we grow from hearing each others struggles and victories. I decided to see what scripture had to say. A verse that has continued to come to me has been Revelation 12:11 "They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death."
I am not going to get into the deep theology or events of any part of the Book of Revelation. I am going to comment on the part of this verse the Lord seemed to highlight to me as I have prayed about the issue mentioned above. They overcame by the Blood of the Lamb and by The Word Of Their Testimony. Our testimony has power. When we speak about what the Lord has done, is doing, and what we struggle with there is power. The power to overcome whatever we are facing in life. So I will not continue to keep quiet. I will blog confidently and boldly. We need to share for not only ourselves but for others. If I am open about what the Lord has done or some struggle I have then there might be something I say the Lord uses to help someone else. We never know. So share what God is doing and has done because it has power to overcome whatever you are facing.
I am not going to get into the deep theology or events of any part of the Book of Revelation. I am going to comment on the part of this verse the Lord seemed to highlight to me as I have prayed about the issue mentioned above. They overcame by the Blood of the Lamb and by The Word Of Their Testimony. Our testimony has power. When we speak about what the Lord has done, is doing, and what we struggle with there is power. The power to overcome whatever we are facing in life. So I will not continue to keep quiet. I will blog confidently and boldly. We need to share for not only ourselves but for others. If I am open about what the Lord has done or some struggle I have then there might be something I say the Lord uses to help someone else. We never know. So share what God is doing and has done because it has power to overcome whatever you are facing.
Friday, January 18, 2013
AWANA
We love AWANA around here. Our whole family enjoys it. I really like the quality of the AWANA teachings and it has become the Bible curriculum for our homeschool. Each son has his own book and they have lessons and memory verses. As they memorize verses they earn incentives. Caleb and Simeon are both in the Sparks group this year. Caleb is in his last year of Sparks and in the third and final book. Simeon is in his first year of Sparks and in his first book. Both boys enjoyed being in the Cubbies when they were younger. We are learning so much!!!! I often feel convicted by their memory verses. One that Caleb worked on last week was Deuteronomy 31:8 "The Lord, Himself, goes before you and will be with you. He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid! Do not be discouraged!" That verse also challenged me as I was helping Caleb memorize it. AWANA is just a great way to get the Word in the hearts of all of us.
Vic is the Games Director at our church. He really enjoys this. He has done an amazing job and this position seems to be a good fit for him. He says he loves getting to interact with all the other children. Before our church started an AWANA program we were involved in another church's AWANA program. Vic would fill in for the large group time once in a while. He said he loved sharing the truth of the Gospel with the youth there.
I also asked Caleb what he likes about AWANA and he told me that he really likes learning about the Bible and earning awards. Simeon told me that he really likes the games and the AWANA store. Our church this year for the first time instituted the AWANA store. The children have opportunities to earn tickets for various things. They get tickets for bringing their Bibles, vests, and book as well as other questions from the leaders, and things like this. Then once a month each child has the opportunity to cash in tickets for various items.
Another thing we like about AWANA is that it is available all over the world. Last year we spent the month of January in another state doing some volunteer work. We were able to find another AWANA program in the area and our children were able to participate and not miss anything. A surprise benefit I learned about AWANA this year is that my children's participation in AWANA could also lead to college scholarships in their future in addition to the most important benefit of getting God's Word in their hearts. A benefit I am just now starting to explore is the AWANA at Home programs. I have not investigated them long enough to tell you about them yet, but if this portion of AWANA stays true to the rest then I know we will enjoy it.
If AWANA sounds like something that might be of interest to you, your family, or your church here is a link http://awana.org/about/about-awana,default,pg.html to find out more.
I can see growth in my children from AWANA and it cooperates with our goals as a family. WE LOVE AWANA!!!!! As far as we are concerned it is here to stay in our family.
Here are a few pictures from AWANA game time 2 weeks ago.
Vic is the Games Director at our church. He really enjoys this. He has done an amazing job and this position seems to be a good fit for him. He says he loves getting to interact with all the other children. Before our church started an AWANA program we were involved in another church's AWANA program. Vic would fill in for the large group time once in a while. He said he loved sharing the truth of the Gospel with the youth there.
I also asked Caleb what he likes about AWANA and he told me that he really likes learning about the Bible and earning awards. Simeon told me that he really likes the games and the AWANA store. Our church this year for the first time instituted the AWANA store. The children have opportunities to earn tickets for various things. They get tickets for bringing their Bibles, vests, and book as well as other questions from the leaders, and things like this. Then once a month each child has the opportunity to cash in tickets for various items.
Another thing we like about AWANA is that it is available all over the world. Last year we spent the month of January in another state doing some volunteer work. We were able to find another AWANA program in the area and our children were able to participate and not miss anything. A surprise benefit I learned about AWANA this year is that my children's participation in AWANA could also lead to college scholarships in their future in addition to the most important benefit of getting God's Word in their hearts. A benefit I am just now starting to explore is the AWANA at Home programs. I have not investigated them long enough to tell you about them yet, but if this portion of AWANA stays true to the rest then I know we will enjoy it.
If AWANA sounds like something that might be of interest to you, your family, or your church here is a link http://awana.org/about/about-awana,default,pg.html to find out more.
I can see growth in my children from AWANA and it cooperates with our goals as a family. WE LOVE AWANA!!!!! As far as we are concerned it is here to stay in our family.
Here are a few pictures from AWANA game time 2 weeks ago.
Thursday, January 10, 2013
More Nurture in 2013
In my years as a mental health/substance abuse therapist there were things that just never seemed right to me, but I was not always able to articulate them. One of those things is in the area of parenting. It seemed like problem behaviors and issues were dealt with by charts, rewards, consequences, etc. Those things are not necessarily bad and definitely have a place in parenting. However, one element seemed to be left out nurturing our children. Somehow it seems like we seem to have forgotten that children need to be nurtured. The way they need to be nurtured is going to vary from child to child as there is no one size fits all.
One diagnosis I saw on the rise when I left my career was Reactive Attachment Disorder. Now there are truly cases that are very serious that need intervention so if you have a child who needs that then please seek that out or if you know a parent who has a child needing intervention then offer support and encouragement. However, I believe that some of the reasons for the rise in this diagnosis is the idea that if we nurture our children then we are "babying them" or children or that our children must keep up with what everyone else his/her age is doing. When we bring a new baby home we nurture that child. This is a good thing, but where I believe we fall short as a society is that we lessen the nurturing too soon. When the child care provider, the teacher at school, or the "expert" says we should then we lessen our nurture. However, in my opinion we can use these opinions as a guide, but not the rule. I am not saying that teachers or experts in child development don't have some good ideas because they do serve a very good place in our society. They are not experts on my child as an individual. I am the mom and I have been with them since conception. I should not let my own instincts go because an expert contradicts it. We need to monitor our own children and follow what that child uniquely needs. That is our job as parents. A teacher at school has to tailor the class to meet the needs of the majority and I am not putting that down-- in fact I highly respect teachers for their ability to do this. However, there seems to be an idea I have noticed in some families where "teacher knows best" and it is replacing the family nurturing. I want to encourage moms and dads to make sure they are nurturing their children, listening to them, and in the process teaching them to respect those in authority such as teachers. When I was a child in school my parents and teachers worked together. Now it seems that parents have given their jobs to teachers or other experts. So I encourage parents to nurture their children.
That being said I have realized this is an area I need to improve on. I shared in a post yesterday that I realized that I did not need to meet others expectations. This has given me some freedom to examine what needs to be done in my own family. I have one child whom had the early bonding between he and I disrupted-- he was 8 months old at the time. He has had some struggles as he has grown. I have been told it was because I babied him too much and others who told me that I did not nurture him enough. This only made things worse as I was struggling to find myself as mom and this affected my son as well. Recently, however, I have been observing, praying, and asking the Lord to give me some guidance on this subject. I now see that my son needs more nurture. I love him so much, but I am not sure he realizes or feels this in the way that he should. Our children develop their concept of Christ through their relationship with us when they are young. Also the relationship I build with him now will help him to trust me in his adolescent years when he will need him mom and it will not always be considered acceptable by his friends. His friends could likely suggest extremely harmful things that he might be more willing to accept than if he knew he could talk to him mom about it. My prayer is that he will love the Lord his whole life and he will seek out parental counsel at appropriate times when he is older.
I realized that he is not the only one who needs more bonding to heal. I have been hurt by our lack of bonding as well. So I believe we will both heal as I take the initiative to nurture him. I have realized that I know my older son, he and I have a close relationship. I am so glad that my older son talks to me about things and asks questions when he encounters things with other children that are new to him or don't seem right to him. We have talked about things that are pretty big at a pretty young age because other children in the community are dealing with these things. I realize that God needs to repair things for my younger son and I to have this kind of relationship. I also have discovered that I do not always know how to show love to our youngest in a way that his heart hears "I love you." The fact that I love him does not mean much when he does not receive this message. I started reading a book called The Five Love Languages for Children by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell. I am asking the Lord to give me some insight as I read this book and as we live out our day together. I just know God has some healing to bring to my relationship with my younger son. That is one change I am making in 2013 is to nurture my children more-- especially the youngest.
One diagnosis I saw on the rise when I left my career was Reactive Attachment Disorder. Now there are truly cases that are very serious that need intervention so if you have a child who needs that then please seek that out or if you know a parent who has a child needing intervention then offer support and encouragement. However, I believe that some of the reasons for the rise in this diagnosis is the idea that if we nurture our children then we are "babying them" or children or that our children must keep up with what everyone else his/her age is doing. When we bring a new baby home we nurture that child. This is a good thing, but where I believe we fall short as a society is that we lessen the nurturing too soon. When the child care provider, the teacher at school, or the "expert" says we should then we lessen our nurture. However, in my opinion we can use these opinions as a guide, but not the rule. I am not saying that teachers or experts in child development don't have some good ideas because they do serve a very good place in our society. They are not experts on my child as an individual. I am the mom and I have been with them since conception. I should not let my own instincts go because an expert contradicts it. We need to monitor our own children and follow what that child uniquely needs. That is our job as parents. A teacher at school has to tailor the class to meet the needs of the majority and I am not putting that down-- in fact I highly respect teachers for their ability to do this. However, there seems to be an idea I have noticed in some families where "teacher knows best" and it is replacing the family nurturing. I want to encourage moms and dads to make sure they are nurturing their children, listening to them, and in the process teaching them to respect those in authority such as teachers. When I was a child in school my parents and teachers worked together. Now it seems that parents have given their jobs to teachers or other experts. So I encourage parents to nurture their children.
That being said I have realized this is an area I need to improve on. I shared in a post yesterday that I realized that I did not need to meet others expectations. This has given me some freedom to examine what needs to be done in my own family. I have one child whom had the early bonding between he and I disrupted-- he was 8 months old at the time. He has had some struggles as he has grown. I have been told it was because I babied him too much and others who told me that I did not nurture him enough. This only made things worse as I was struggling to find myself as mom and this affected my son as well. Recently, however, I have been observing, praying, and asking the Lord to give me some guidance on this subject. I now see that my son needs more nurture. I love him so much, but I am not sure he realizes or feels this in the way that he should. Our children develop their concept of Christ through their relationship with us when they are young. Also the relationship I build with him now will help him to trust me in his adolescent years when he will need him mom and it will not always be considered acceptable by his friends. His friends could likely suggest extremely harmful things that he might be more willing to accept than if he knew he could talk to him mom about it. My prayer is that he will love the Lord his whole life and he will seek out parental counsel at appropriate times when he is older.
I realized that he is not the only one who needs more bonding to heal. I have been hurt by our lack of bonding as well. So I believe we will both heal as I take the initiative to nurture him. I have realized that I know my older son, he and I have a close relationship. I am so glad that my older son talks to me about things and asks questions when he encounters things with other children that are new to him or don't seem right to him. We have talked about things that are pretty big at a pretty young age because other children in the community are dealing with these things. I realize that God needs to repair things for my younger son and I to have this kind of relationship. I also have discovered that I do not always know how to show love to our youngest in a way that his heart hears "I love you." The fact that I love him does not mean much when he does not receive this message. I started reading a book called The Five Love Languages for Children by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell. I am asking the Lord to give me some insight as I read this book and as we live out our day together. I just know God has some healing to bring to my relationship with my younger son. That is one change I am making in 2013 is to nurture my children more-- especially the youngest.
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Do You Ever Feel Like You Don't Measure Up
I shared yesterday that I have had a lot of sorting to do in the months of November and December. One thing that happened to me in December was a realization that I was an angry wife, mother, and woman. As soon as I made this realization I got down on my knees to talk to the Lord about it and in his presence decided to let go the the anger. I was not ready for what came next.
There were reasons I became angry. Before 2003 I had not been an angry person, but once my husband had started having seizures (I always want to insert that God healed him through brain surgery 5 years ago) we discovered that we did not have nearly as much support as we needed. That is when the struggles for me began. I eventually ran out of mental energy and anger does produce energy. I needed the energy to keep going as there were about 4 years where I slept on average 3 hours per night and I had to do impossible things like have people in different parts of a city at the same time while my job was upset that I was not there. Then still others were telling me that my church attendance was not good enough, that my house was not clean enough, still creditors due to my husband's failed business before his seizures got too bad to hold down a job, still others were telling me what I should be doing for my children, the list went on. No matter what I did none of it was good enough. I did not need anyone to tell me this. I had goals and dreams for my family, for my marriage, for myself. I was not living up to any of those. However, I was giving everything that I had just for us to survive-- there was nothing more to give. I was hurt and the only thing I could do with it was push it aside to "do what I had to do". That was the biggest source of my anger.
See anger is a secondary emotion. What I mean by secondary emotion is that it is always caused by another emotion. Anger can not stand by itself. We don't go from being happy to being angry. We go from happy to another emotion than to anger. So in order to deal with anger we typically have to deal with the primary emotion that caused the anger. In my case it had been so long that I forgot the original pain. Let me assure you the pain had not gone anywhere-- it was right there waiting for me to let go of the anger so it could reveal itself to be dealt with.
I let go of anger and was all of a sudden in tremendous pain. I started talking to the Lord about it. As I prayed and studied Scripture the Lord spoke to my heart a healing balm "You are good enough for me." Something released in me. All of a sudden I just did not care what anyone outside of my home thought about what I did or was doing. I care about pleasing my husband, myself, meeting what my children need from me, and pleasing the Lord. The rest really does not matter. After this release and letting go all of a sudden I was relieved, but exhausted physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. I have had this battle going on inside for 10 years so being exhausted is not inappropriate. However, I do have obligations as a wife and mom. So Vic and I decided that I would set myself a bed time and take one extra break during the day for the next few weeks just to get some extra recharge. I can already tell a difference and am not taking extra breaks any more because I don't seem to need them. The amount of peace coming into our home is amazing and we are finding our place as a family. If you struggle with feeling like you don't measure up then I recommend spending time with the Lord to talk about this as He knows exactly what you need in order to minister to you. Or if you struggle with anger I challenge you to let it go and deal with the real issue at hand. I truly believe the Lord wants us to live a life of peace and freedom.
There were reasons I became angry. Before 2003 I had not been an angry person, but once my husband had started having seizures (I always want to insert that God healed him through brain surgery 5 years ago) we discovered that we did not have nearly as much support as we needed. That is when the struggles for me began. I eventually ran out of mental energy and anger does produce energy. I needed the energy to keep going as there were about 4 years where I slept on average 3 hours per night and I had to do impossible things like have people in different parts of a city at the same time while my job was upset that I was not there. Then still others were telling me that my church attendance was not good enough, that my house was not clean enough, still creditors due to my husband's failed business before his seizures got too bad to hold down a job, still others were telling me what I should be doing for my children, the list went on. No matter what I did none of it was good enough. I did not need anyone to tell me this. I had goals and dreams for my family, for my marriage, for myself. I was not living up to any of those. However, I was giving everything that I had just for us to survive-- there was nothing more to give. I was hurt and the only thing I could do with it was push it aside to "do what I had to do". That was the biggest source of my anger.
See anger is a secondary emotion. What I mean by secondary emotion is that it is always caused by another emotion. Anger can not stand by itself. We don't go from being happy to being angry. We go from happy to another emotion than to anger. So in order to deal with anger we typically have to deal with the primary emotion that caused the anger. In my case it had been so long that I forgot the original pain. Let me assure you the pain had not gone anywhere-- it was right there waiting for me to let go of the anger so it could reveal itself to be dealt with.
I let go of anger and was all of a sudden in tremendous pain. I started talking to the Lord about it. As I prayed and studied Scripture the Lord spoke to my heart a healing balm "You are good enough for me." Something released in me. All of a sudden I just did not care what anyone outside of my home thought about what I did or was doing. I care about pleasing my husband, myself, meeting what my children need from me, and pleasing the Lord. The rest really does not matter. After this release and letting go all of a sudden I was relieved, but exhausted physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. I have had this battle going on inside for 10 years so being exhausted is not inappropriate. However, I do have obligations as a wife and mom. So Vic and I decided that I would set myself a bed time and take one extra break during the day for the next few weeks just to get some extra recharge. I can already tell a difference and am not taking extra breaks any more because I don't seem to need them. The amount of peace coming into our home is amazing and we are finding our place as a family. If you struggle with feeling like you don't measure up then I recommend spending time with the Lord to talk about this as He knows exactly what you need in order to minister to you. Or if you struggle with anger I challenge you to let it go and deal with the real issue at hand. I truly believe the Lord wants us to live a life of peace and freedom.
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
Feed Your Mind with Positive Life Building Messages
I stopped blogging-- in fact I was not at all sure I would return to
this blog. However, I decided that I enjoy blogging so I will
continue. The months of November and December in 2012 for me were some
of my worst as far as internal struggles. However, at the end of them I
found some clarity and started 2013 much more focused and much more
healed. See in November all of a sudden every thing I did in life was
attacked by someone close to me. There was nothing I did that was right
according to this person. I left the conversation feeling like I was a
big mistake that God created. However, that was a lie of the enemy and
I know that because God does not make mistakes. Instead as I began to
finally sort through some issues that have plagued me for almost 10
years I realized that since God does not make mistakes then I am not a
mistake. Instead I am a beautiful creation. He created me in HIS
image, with dreams and plans for my life, and with good works he created
in advance for me to do (the scripture reference to that is just not
popping into my head right now). I was put down for every thing I did
and specifically made fun of for this blog-- not just a post, but the
entire thing-- the idea of doing this. I let it hit me too hard. That
was in November, but then in December I started to sort things out a
little bit. I have come to the conclusion that I do want to blog and I
do want to do it more regularly-- the only thing that will stop me is if
my family has higher needs and that will happen from time to time I can
almost guarantee it.
However, I realized that I need a tougher skin so that I can take the criticism for what I say on something like a blog. The Lord did not design us to keep to ourselves and not share out experiences. Quite the contrary-- we are to share our struggles and insights so that we touch each others lives. So I decided that this persons opinion does not really matter as to whether or not I blog.
Let me share a little bit of my December with you because that is when life started to turn around for me. Every year in September a group of girls I went to college with get together, but this year all of us except one had obligations we could not get out of. So we had to postpone the weekend until the first weekend in December. I almost did not go because for me I was so down that I would tear up and fight back crying every other minute. My husband made me go. I am so glad that he did. This year we met in my friend's home instead of in a hotel and my friend's mom ended up being there. Her mom and I ended up talking for a while. She and I have been keeping in touch ever since. The Lord has used her to meet a need that has gone unmet for several years. She gave me some good advice that weekend. Some advice that I want to pass on to anyone else who might read this and is depressed.
She reminded me as we talked that I had been given a lot of negative messages-- many more negative than positive. Most of those messages were from Christians, but they were not Biblical messages being given to me. I heard so many negative messages that I even stopped hearing the positive ones. So my friend recommended a prescription for me to deal with this issue. She recommended that I bombard my mind with positive, Biblical messages until they were received. That is what I have done. My husband had been given someones old Ipod Touch and so he gave me his old Ipod Shuffle. So I started downloading pod casts. Whenever I am cooking, sewing, cleaning, etc I have an ear bud in one ear leaving the other to hear whatever my children are doing. There has been a big difference in me and it has been noticed by not only me, but my family as well. My thinking seems to be changing, I seem to be sorting out old wounds, and finding myself in Christ again. There are many changes that seem to be happening here in our home that are leading to peace. We have not had peace since 2003. Caleb is calming down, Simeon is developing a spring in his step, Vic is finding courage to step out in new directions, and I am not so irritable as I once was. We look forward to what great things are going to happen in 2013 as we continue to bombard our household with positive, Biblical messages.
However, I realized that I need a tougher skin so that I can take the criticism for what I say on something like a blog. The Lord did not design us to keep to ourselves and not share out experiences. Quite the contrary-- we are to share our struggles and insights so that we touch each others lives. So I decided that this persons opinion does not really matter as to whether or not I blog.
Let me share a little bit of my December with you because that is when life started to turn around for me. Every year in September a group of girls I went to college with get together, but this year all of us except one had obligations we could not get out of. So we had to postpone the weekend until the first weekend in December. I almost did not go because for me I was so down that I would tear up and fight back crying every other minute. My husband made me go. I am so glad that he did. This year we met in my friend's home instead of in a hotel and my friend's mom ended up being there. Her mom and I ended up talking for a while. She and I have been keeping in touch ever since. The Lord has used her to meet a need that has gone unmet for several years. She gave me some good advice that weekend. Some advice that I want to pass on to anyone else who might read this and is depressed.
She reminded me as we talked that I had been given a lot of negative messages-- many more negative than positive. Most of those messages were from Christians, but they were not Biblical messages being given to me. I heard so many negative messages that I even stopped hearing the positive ones. So my friend recommended a prescription for me to deal with this issue. She recommended that I bombard my mind with positive, Biblical messages until they were received. That is what I have done. My husband had been given someones old Ipod Touch and so he gave me his old Ipod Shuffle. So I started downloading pod casts. Whenever I am cooking, sewing, cleaning, etc I have an ear bud in one ear leaving the other to hear whatever my children are doing. There has been a big difference in me and it has been noticed by not only me, but my family as well. My thinking seems to be changing, I seem to be sorting out old wounds, and finding myself in Christ again. There are many changes that seem to be happening here in our home that are leading to peace. We have not had peace since 2003. Caleb is calming down, Simeon is developing a spring in his step, Vic is finding courage to step out in new directions, and I am not so irritable as I once was. We look forward to what great things are going to happen in 2013 as we continue to bombard our household with positive, Biblical messages.
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Believing In Him
Someone commented a long time ago when I shared about the day I almost left my husband. She asked me to write an entry about what I would say to the woman who is where I was that day and she is thinking about leaving her husband. I have tried to do this, but I realize that I am not at a place in my own healing to do that yet. I will do this when I have healed and the time is right. Right now for me the time is just not right.
However, I do want to share something I have learned-- the hard way through struggle myself. It is hard when your husband is supposed to be the leader of your home and he can not be. My husband could not, but I am so thankful that he is learning to be now and is stepping up to the task. It makes our family life much more peaceful and both of us have found some emotional healing through the process. There are many ways we still need to grow in this area. However, I have learned that if I am a critical wife then proceed to nag him, criticize him, and ride his tail that he does not become a better husband, father, man, or Christian. There are times when I am disappointed because I wish things were a different way, but that is not unique to my situation. I would say that all wives likely have some area they would like to be different. I have learned to take a different approach other than being critical. I decided to start believing in my husband and expressing that I believe in him.
When I started to take this approach my husband's outlook on life seemed to change. Our marriage changed, our family life changed. I noticed that Vic started trying to rise to the occasion. He started trying to live up to my belief in him. I never realized how much influence I actually have on him. So I have started to remind myself to believe in him even when I see him struggling and he is not sure what to do. I still choose to believe in him, communicate this to him, then seek to encourage him. He now asks for my insights often when he used to ignore my thoughts and opinions on matters. It was my attitude and approach toward him that was the problem. His brain is healing in ways we never thought possible and he is growing in ways we never imagined. I am very proud of my husband and I make a point to tell him so and try to remember to speak highly of him publicly. As I watch my husband grow and become all the man God intends for him to be I have my three step process:
1. Believe in him
2. Speak encouragement to him
3. Speak highly of him in public.
This may not be exactly what my commenter was asking for, but this principle I have discovered has been one of the most dynamic principles that has brought positive change in our marriage.
However, I do want to share something I have learned-- the hard way through struggle myself. It is hard when your husband is supposed to be the leader of your home and he can not be. My husband could not, but I am so thankful that he is learning to be now and is stepping up to the task. It makes our family life much more peaceful and both of us have found some emotional healing through the process. There are many ways we still need to grow in this area. However, I have learned that if I am a critical wife then proceed to nag him, criticize him, and ride his tail that he does not become a better husband, father, man, or Christian. There are times when I am disappointed because I wish things were a different way, but that is not unique to my situation. I would say that all wives likely have some area they would like to be different. I have learned to take a different approach other than being critical. I decided to start believing in my husband and expressing that I believe in him.
When I started to take this approach my husband's outlook on life seemed to change. Our marriage changed, our family life changed. I noticed that Vic started trying to rise to the occasion. He started trying to live up to my belief in him. I never realized how much influence I actually have on him. So I have started to remind myself to believe in him even when I see him struggling and he is not sure what to do. I still choose to believe in him, communicate this to him, then seek to encourage him. He now asks for my insights often when he used to ignore my thoughts and opinions on matters. It was my attitude and approach toward him that was the problem. His brain is healing in ways we never thought possible and he is growing in ways we never imagined. I am very proud of my husband and I make a point to tell him so and try to remember to speak highly of him publicly. As I watch my husband grow and become all the man God intends for him to be I have my three step process:
1. Believe in him
2. Speak encouragement to him
3. Speak highly of him in public.
This may not be exactly what my commenter was asking for, but this principle I have discovered has been one of the most dynamic principles that has brought positive change in our marriage.
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