A big event happened at our house night before last. Simeon prayed and asked Jesus to be his Savior. One of my long time prayers was answered-- that my children would find salvation at a young age. Caleb was five and Simeon is six. Now my prayer is that they get a grasp of HIS grace and how much the Lord really loves them. Then that they would dedicate their whole lives to HIM at a young age and go on to live dynamic lives that make a difference in the kingdom. I pray for my boys to live out the dreams God has for them.
One day it hit me when praying that last part of the prayer the Caleb and Simeon would live out God's dreams for their lives, that it was God's dreams and goals for their lives. It wasn't my dreams and goals for their lives. Then I had another realization and that is that my sons don't belong to me, but instead they belong to the Lord. They are on loan to me. The Lord in his infinite wisdom decided that I was just the right mother for them and that Vic was just the right father for them. I was then convicted of all the times that I have worried over them instead of praying, of all the times I have thought how unfortunate they were to have a flawed, imperfect mother like me, and of all the times I have thought about how many challenges our family has encountered in their short lives-- were they permanently scarred. The Lord spoke to may heart reminding me that Vic and I are the right parents for them-- that the Lord hand picked us for each other. That my Heavenly Father knew what he was doing when he place our children in our family at the time he placed them in our family. Somehow those struggles that we have gone through are a part of God's plan for their lives, part of His preparation for their future. None of it was by accident.
I am learning that I must trust the Lord with my children because they are His children. I can not bring about change in their hearts, but He can. I can not determine what their goals will be as they get older, but He can. He has purposes, plans, and good works prepared for them to do. God has a destiny in mind for Caleb and for Simeon. I must cooperate with Him because they belong to him and not to me.
This is so freeing for me. I will do the very best that I can to be a good mom, but no matter what I will blow it from time to time and my imperfections will definitely show. However, God is bigger than any mistakes I will make as a mom. Nothing will thwart His plan for Caleb or for Simeon. So I will continue to pray for them, guide them, teach them, snuggle them, listen to them, spend quality time with them, correct them, and all the many other things I do as a mom and pray for the Holy Spirit to continue to guide me, but I can rest easy in knowing that the results are not up to me. The results are up to the Lord.
I can hardly wait to see what amazing young men God wants to turn my sons into and to see what awesome ways He chooses to work in them and in what ways He plans to use them as a light to a hurting a dying world.