Sunday, March 30, 2014

Let The Lord Restore Your Weary Soul


This year my sister and I got the privilege to take my oldest son to see Winter Jam back in January. It was quite the experience for me to get to do this.  He enjoyed it and it was fun to share some of what I used to do when I was younger with my son.  The Lord spoke to me a lot at Winter Jam.  I think it was a turning point for me actually.  One of the ten bands at the concert was Tenth Avenue North.  I have enjoyed their song Worn in the past and could definitely relate to it.  Somehow when I heard it at Winter Jam it was different though.  It cut through straight to some areas of my heart.  I was humbled at the end and some questions that have plagued me for about 10 years were answered.  Here are the lyrics before I share some that spoke to me.
Worn
by Tenth Avenue North


I’m Tired I’m worn
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes
To keep on breathing
I’ve made mistakes
I’ve let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed
By the weight of this world

And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart
That’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause I’m worn

I know I need to lift my eyes up
But I'm too weak
Life just won’t let up
And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart
That’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause I’m worn

My prayers are wearing thin
Yeah, I’m worn
Even before the day begins
Yeah, I’m worn
I’ve lost my will to fight
I’m worn
So, heaven come and flood my eyes

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart
That’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause all that’s dead inside will be reborn

Though I’m worn
Yeah I’m worn

"I'm tired I'm worn, my heart is heavy from the work it takes to keep on breathing"  

Some of you may remember my sharing about my struggle with depression.  I would love to tell you that struggle is over, but it is not.  I have been experiencing victory in this area though as I have fewer and fewer bouts and they are much less deep and I can praise and work though them now.  However, for so many years it took all my energy to just keep breathing.  I am not sure if I shared how deep that depression was for me.  I was suicidal at for a few years so literally at times it really was work to just keep breathing.  

"I've made mistakes, I let my hope fail"

One of the burdens that weighed on me that fed this depression was false guilt.  See some where along the way I let myself believe the lie that I had been told that my husband's seizures and the struggles that came to our family as a result were my fault.  I had been told during some vulnerable years that they were my fault.  Even after God healed my husband through brain surgery, I continued to beg God for years to tell me what sin I had committed that caused all of this for my family.  I would have confessed it and turned from it in a heartbeat.  In my mind my husband and children were suffering and it was all my fault and the Lord was not telling me what I had done.  I had moments of clarity where I fought this lie, but even then it was a struggle that I continually lost.  I was even mad at God that He would be so unfair to my children and remain silent in this matter.  Well, at Winter Jam while hearing the song the Holy Spirit broke through and I could hear clearly, "Charity, you did not sin to cause your family's suffering, but you did sin in the midst of the suffering.  You let your hope fail." Immediately the tears started to fall because I knew in my heart it was true.  I let my hope die.  When it died I let go of the Lord. After letting go of hope my faith began to fade.  It became like a candle that just burned weaker and weaker.  As faith was growing weaker and weaker so was my love relationship with Christ.  At one time I had a strong, vibrant relationship with the Lord, but the fire had been slowly going out for some time now.  I asked the Lord to restore my hope and for Him to be the source of that hope.  I can not explain it, but that is exactly what has been happening. I do believe the Lord has shown me a few things concerning the matter though. 

I Corinthians 13:13
Now these three remain: faith, hope, and love.  But the greatest of these is love.

The Lord has shown me that faith, hope, and love all feed off of each other.  If one suffers the other two suffer.  So as my hope has been restored so has my faith in the Lord, and so has my love relationship with Him.

"My soul feels crushed by the weight of this world."

That is how I felt-- crushed, defeated, helpless.  However, there is a truth that we need to remember during dark times when we feel crushed and defeated.  That is that our feelings lie to us.  They are not trustworthy.  Here is a comforting truth:

Isaiah 42:3
A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out.  In faithfulness he will bring forth justice.

I am so grateful that I serve the Lord of Lords, the King of Kings who will not snuff out my faith when it is flickering.  I am so grateful I serve a Lord who loves me enough to have compassion on me and meet me where I am like he did that mid January night.  That night He stopped the flicker by feeding the fire as only He can do.  Some of my pain actually left me that night and as the pain left hope flooded in and it fueled the faith that needed fueling in my weak and worn out soul.

"But I know that you can give me rest, So I cry out with all the I have left."  

That is all the Lord wants is for us to reach out to Him.  He knows we are human.  He made us that way.  He knows we struggle, but he wants us to reach out to Him with all that we have in us.  In my case the years had worn away so much, but the Lord excepted what I had left and is building upon it.  The years in the spiritual desert had left me parched, but He had the living water to bring me back to life.  I found the words of Matthew 11:28 and 29 to be true. 

Matthew 11:28-29
Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

The Lord is in the business of giving rest to weary and worn out souls like mine.  If your soul is worn out and weary he will give you rest too if you come to him.  

The Lord has reminded me in a new and fresh way that redemption has already won.  It was won the very first Easter when Jesus suffered and died, then rose 3 days later.  In Ezekiel 37 the Lord brought a valley full of dry bones back to life.  That is what the Lord is doing in my life.  He is bringing parts of me that I thought died back to life only in new and better ways. When the Lord restores He does not bring things back to their former state, He makes them better than before.  The Lord wants to restore us, to heal us, to give us energy to both love and serve Him with.  He wants to restore our fight so that we find the victory He wants us to experience.  So let Him have your worn out, weary soul.  He has some great and wonderful plans for your life.  Healing and restoration are there if we will simply surrender our lives to him.  So if your soul is worn lift your eyes up and give it to Him.  You will not be sorry.

If you want to hear the song then click on this link.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UUEy8nZvpdM





2 comments:

  1. When reading your blog, I find myself very proud to have you as my big sister. I'm sad to hear about how bad the struggles were, but remain amazed at the character they have grown in you. Love you sis!

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    1. Thank you little sister. I know you are having some struggles right now and I can tell you with confidence and assurance that the Lord is building you into the woman HE wants you to be through them. Hold on you have great things ahead!!! Love you sis!

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