I have to admit that this is a transition time in my life. I went from being a professional woman with two small children and a disabled husband to a stay-at-home, homeschooling mom with a no longer disabled husband starting a family business. I do welcome the transition, but along with comes pain. I know some think my pain stems from missing my career-- I really do not miss my career. There is not a minute that goes by that I miss it. The pain for me was the eight and a half years that led up to my homecoming.
Here is a list of what we lived through from 2003-2008. My husband's seizures (statistics were done and he had an average of 3 violent grand mal seizures per week over a period of five years) combined with daily petit mal seizures. Ten days after the first seizure I found out I was pregnant (I had been told I could not get pregnant so imagine our shock). Two weeks later I miscarried. The day before the miscarriage was confirmed we took every penny out of our savings to fix our car. Then the same day as the miscarriage confirmation we were told we would need an additional $3500. Then after that every other week for 6 months that car broke down. On average we paid $735.11 a month to keep that car running. Then after we replaced the car a week later Vic had the second biggest seizure during those five years. He had been on a tractor mower when it happened and fortunately the safety features were still in place so the mower shut off or my husband would have been killed. Then I was pregnant again. After this high risk pregnancy we have are so grateful for the joy Caleb brings to our lives. Then while I was going through another high risk pregnancy my husband's business goes under. For some reason Vic's doctor had given him clearance to drive and I would continualy lose the argument about the safety of his driving. Then Vic had the biggest seizure out of those five years while driving down I65 with 2 year old Caleb in the truck. I was 6 months pregnant with Simeon at the time. It was a bad accident, but no serious injuries. The seizures got worse from that point on. The business failure had left us with horrible debt and my husband could no longer work. So I worked 95 hours a week. Then February 19, 2008 Vic had brain surgery and the seizures stopped. He has not had another one and he no longer takes any medication. Praise The Lord!!! Four days after brain surgery we moved from Tennessee to Illinois. Then I started a new position as substance abuse therapist at a community mental health center.
Then the remainder of 2008-2012 has been a climb out of the depths from which we were. Really we are still climbing. I left my career in mid-2011. We did this not because we met the goals we planned to meet, but because I mentally could not be in my career anymore. We wanted me to come home and had a goal set that once we got to that point I would come home. However, here I was not able to go on anymore so I came home. God has been faithful and I want to make that clear, but that is not what I want to point out in this review. See I had years of built up grief, pain, disappointment, times of shell-shock, and just many emotional things I had not dealt with because I simply did the next thing I had to do. Then when I kept doing therapy it took any mental space I needed for myself to heal. I got to a point where I HAD to start healing.
What I did not expect was how quickly my time filled once I came home full time. I have often asked myself how that happened. Then I listened to author and speaker Lorrie Flem's MP3 download JUST SAY NO. I tell you I am crying right now as I write this. Lorrie said many truly great things in this teaching. However, the part that stood out to me and is still making me wipe my tears as I type was when she talked about how we only have so much brain space. I realized that my brain space is full with sorting through my own pain and finding healing that is okay. I also see 2 commitments I am involved in that I will not be involved in next year. I committed to helping lead Caleb's Wolf Den and I am a Sparks leader at AWANA. Both of those are good things and in fact they are things that I would normally enjoy, but to be honest right now I hate both of them. There will likely come a time when I will enjoy these things again, but not right now. Right now I need to give my brain the space to heal. I will not be the wife and mother I am capable of being nor the woman God desires for me to be if I don't take that time. I am evaluating my commitments from this point as to how much brain space I need to heal. I would have felt guilty about that six months ago, but when Lorrie talked about only having so much brain space she somehow said to me that I had permission to take it and heal. So that is what I am going to do. Only by making this choice am I going to become the wife, mother, and Christian the Lord desires for me to be.
I would highly recommend the MP3 download JUST SAY NO by author/speaker Lorrie Flem. She has some valuable insights as to how to evaluate your commitments. This download can be purchase through the Eternal Encouragement website using the following link http://www.eternalencouragement.com/theshop/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=5&products_id=875
Note: I received JUST SAY NO as an official member of the Gabby Moms blogging program in exchange for my honest review.