Someone commented a long time ago when I shared about the day I almost left my husband. She asked me to write an entry about what I would say to the woman who is where I was that day and she is thinking about leaving her husband. I have tried to do this, but I realize that I am not at a place in my own healing to do that yet. I will do this when I have healed and the time is right. Right now for me the time is just not right.
However, I do want to share something I have learned-- the hard way through struggle myself. It is hard when your husband is supposed to be the leader of your home and he can not be. My husband could not, but I am so thankful that he is learning to be now and is stepping up to the task. It makes our family life much more peaceful and both of us have found some emotional healing through the process. There are many ways we still need to grow in this area. However, I have learned that if I am a critical wife then proceed to nag him, criticize him, and ride his tail that he does not become a better husband, father, man, or Christian. There are times when I am disappointed because I wish things were a different way, but that is not unique to my situation. I would say that all wives likely have some area they would like to be different. I have learned to take a different approach other than being critical. I decided to start believing in my husband and expressing that I believe in him.
When I started to take this approach my husband's outlook on life seemed to change. Our marriage changed, our family life changed. I noticed that Vic started trying to rise to the occasion. He started trying to live up to my belief in him. I never realized how much influence I actually have on him. So I have started to remind myself to believe in him even when I see him struggling and he is not sure what to do. I still choose to believe in him, communicate this to him, then seek to encourage him. He now asks for my insights often when he used to ignore my thoughts and opinions on matters. It was my attitude and approach toward him that was the problem. His brain is healing in ways we never thought possible and he is growing in ways we never imagined. I am very proud of my husband and I make a point to tell him so and try to remember to speak highly of him publicly. As I watch my husband grow and become all the man God intends for him to be I have my three step process:
1. Believe in him
2. Speak encouragement to him
3. Speak highly of him in public.
This may not be exactly what my commenter was asking for, but this principle I have discovered has been one of the most dynamic principles that has brought positive change in our marriage.