Just Say No

I have to admit that this is a transition time in my life. I went from being a professional woman with two small children and a disabled husband to a stay-at-home, homeschooling mom with a no longer disabled husband starting a family business. I do welcome the transition, but along with comes pain. I know some think my pain stems from missing my career-- I really do not miss my career. There is not a minute that goes by that I miss it. The pain for me was the eight and a half years that led up to my homecoming.

Here is a list of what we lived through from 2003-2008. My husband's seizures (statistics were done and he had an average of 3 violent grand mal seizures per week over a period of five years) combined with daily petit mal seizures. Ten days after the first seizure I found out I was pregnant (I had been told I could not get pregnant so imagine our shock). Two weeks later I miscarried. The day before the miscarriage was confirmed we took every penny out of our savings to fix our car. Then the same day as the miscarriage confirmation we were told we would need an additional $3500. Then after that every other week for 6 months that car broke down. On average we paid $735.11 a month to keep that car running. Then after we replaced the car a week later Vic had the second biggest seizure during those five years. He had been on a tractor mower when it happened and fortunately the safety features were still in place so the mower shut off or my husband would have been killed. Then I was pregnant again. After this high risk pregnancy we have are so grateful for the joy Caleb brings to our lives. Then while I was going through another high risk pregnancy my husband's business goes under. For some reason Vic's doctor had given him clearance to drive and I would continualy lose the argument about the safety of his driving. Then Vic had the biggest seizure out of those five years while driving down I65 with 2 year old Caleb in the truck. I was 6 months pregnant with Simeon at the time. It was a bad accident, but no serious injuries. The seizures got worse from that point on. The business failure had left us with horrible debt and my husband could no longer work. So I worked 95 hours a week. Then February 19, 2008 Vic had brain surgery and the seizures stopped. He has not had another one and he no longer takes any medication. Praise The Lord!!! Four days after brain surgery we moved from Tennessee to Illinois. Then I started a new position as substance abuse therapist at a community mental health center.

Then the remainder of 2008-2012 has been a climb out of the depths from which we were. Really we are still climbing. I left my career in mid-2011. We did this not because we met the goals we planned to meet, but because I mentally could not be in my career anymore. We wanted me to come home and had a goal set that once we got to that point I would come home. However, here I was not able to go on anymore so I came home. God has been faithful and I want to make that clear, but that is not what I want to point out in this review. See I had years of built up grief, pain, disappointment, times of shell-shock, and just many emotional things I had not dealt with because I simply did the next thing I had to do. Then when I kept doing therapy it took any mental space I needed for myself to heal. I got to a point where I HAD to start healing.

What I did not expect was how quickly my time filled once I came home full time. I have often asked myself how that happened. Then I listened to author and speaker Lorrie Flem's MP3 download JUST SAY NO. I tell you I am crying right now as I write this. Lorrie said many truly great things in this teaching. However, the part that stood out to me and is still making me wipe my tears as I type was when she talked about how we only have so much brain space. I realized that my brain space is full with sorting through my own pain and finding healing that is okay. I also see 2 commitments I am involved in that I will not be involved in next year. I committed to helping lead Caleb's Wolf Den and I am a Sparks leader at AWANA. Both of those are good things and in fact they are things that I would normally enjoy, but to be honest right now I hate both of them. There will likely come a time when I will enjoy these things again, but not right now. Right now I need to give my brain the space to heal. I will not be the wife and mother I am capable of being nor the woman God desires for me to be if I don't take that time. I am evaluating my commitments from this point as to how much brain space I need to heal. I would have felt guilty about that six months ago, but when Lorrie talked about only having so much brain space she somehow said to me that I had permission to take it and heal. So that is what I am going to do. Only by making this choice am I going to become the wife, mother, and Christian the Lord desires for me to be.

I would highly recommend the MP3 download JUST SAY NO by author/speaker Lorrie Flem. She has some valuable insights as to how to evaluate your commitments. This download can be purchase through the Eternal Encouragement website using the following link http://www.eternalencouragement.com/theshop/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=5&products_id=875

Note: I received JUST SAY NO as an official member of the Gabby Moms blogging program in exchange for my honest review.

January 2012 Serenity for your Soul

When a married couple thinks of their wedding bands it can
bring some tender moments and thoughts.
After years of wearing the bands they become almost a part of you. Then when you think of all they symbolize (I tear up when I think about all they symbolize). Therefore, the wedding bands a husband and wife wear are very valuable. A little over four and a half years ago my husband and I made the painful choice to sell our wedding bands at a pawn shop. Now often times you hear of someone doing this because their marriage is over or some reason like that. Vic and I were and still are very much married. We experienced a business failure earlier in the year and we were truly bankrupt. Caleb and Simeon were both in diapers and we were out of diapers, there was no food in the house, and there was no money in the bank. We did not have two nickels to rub
together. We had already sold everything of value that we owned. The only thing left was our wedding bands. I remember on our way to the pawn shop saying, “It is only our rings, not our
marriage.” I would say it over and over again. I still hurt from that sacrifice. I still find myself looking down at that finger missing the rings. There were many times when I was still in the
workforce when my clients would ask why if I was married I did not wear wedding rings. I still often times feel this gaping whole over their not residing on my finger. I find myself being envious and jealous over women who still have their wedding rings and find myself coveting them and their lives once in a while.

Then I read January’s issue of the Eternal Encouragement Newsletter (Serenity for your Soul). Author Lorrie Flem confessed that when she was first married how she would spend so much time noticing what she didn’t have. This affected her ability as a wife and homemaker in a negative way. It was when I read this that I was convicted of this very thought pattern. I realized
have been focusing so much on the ring not on my finger that I have been missing some of the wonderful blessings in my marriage. I decided I would confess this to the Lord and then started making mental lists of all the blessings I do have in my life. It was then that I realized that
through that business failure our family did indeed lose a lot. However, I now see that things we lost were the things that were not the important things. The Lord stripped away nonessentials and left us with the things that matter most. I did not lose my relationship with the Lord. I did not lose my salvation. I still have my husband and two terrific little boys. All the things that matter I still have. This realization has brought peace to my life and has made our home life
happier. I don’t know if my wedding rings will ever be replaced, but somehow when I see the blessings in my life their replacement loses much priority.

Lorrie's words usually hit me right where I am in my life and offers just the words I need to
challenge me to become the best wife and mother that I can be. If you would like to explore Eternal Encouragement for yourself then go to their website http://www.eemagazine.com/ Once you have explored the site I know you will want to sign up for the free newsletter. If you go down about the middle of the page you will find the form to fill out to receive encouragement right to your inbox. An added bonus is that you will also receive the free e-book Organizing Happiness when you sign up. I know you will not want to miss out on any of these opportunities.

Note: I receive Serenity for your Soul as an official member of The Gabby Moms blogging program in exchange for my honest review.