Thursday, February 17, 2011

Filling their love tanks

I have been sick-- really sick. I ache all over, cough, am congested, exhausted, but mostly I hurt all over a lot. I caught this from my boys. They were so clingy while they were sick. Now I have it. I can tell you that while I have been sick I have not given them quite as much quality attention. I can tell in their moods and with Simeon wanting to snuggle tonight that their love tanks are depleted and need some filling.

My kids are like all normal kids who have good days and bad days, good moods as well as bad moods, and good behaviors as well as bad behaviors. Whenever my kids are continually behaving badly I need to stop and ask myself why. I have gotten so much advice from well intending people who will tell me to punish them more. There might occasionally be times when punishing them during their continual bad behavior moments might be the answer, but typically it is not.

Like I said my kids are normal and I think that in this case your kids are like my kids. When their love tanks are full they typically behave well, but when their love tanks get depleted they start to act in not the most wise ways. A full love tank is just as important as any correction or punishment-- possibly even more important. I have noticed an epidemic of children whose love tanks are depleted.

What is a love tank? It is the part of you that feels loved unconditionally, secure because of that love, and just a knowledge that no matter what I can count on being loved. It is a warm fuzzy, an internal hug, a contented satisfaction that you are so important and valuable. Kids need full love tanks.

We try to fill love tanks frequently around here. We eat together at the table-- we set the table to be nice, eat by candle light, use conversation starters, and then read from the book we are reading aloud for school (at the moment it is Little House In the Big Woods). Vic reads them a bed time story and also makes up stories about a character he created named Peanut, the boys and I snuggle, I make them hot chocolate, I have special songs I sing to them, we have special family events, we go for walks...

I am always looking for new ways to fill my kids love tanks. What things does your family do to fill each other's love tanks? Please comment here to share.

1 comment:

  1. This is interesting to me because I JUST posted a new post on my blog about the 5 love languages. If we want to fill our kids love tanks, its important to know WHAT makes them feel loved. My son seems to enjoy quality time the most - playing games, reading books, talking, etc. My daughter also enjoys quality time, but I think she likes receiving little gifts more. :-)