Friday, May 25, 2012

In Sickness As Well As In Health (part 2)

In part 1 of this post I shared with you some of my journey during the time when my husband had debilitating seizures.  I still can not thank the Lord enough for using brain surgery as a tool to heal him.  I shared how this was hard on me as a wife and about the day I almost left my husband.  Then I shared 2 ways to support the wife of a disabled husband.  The first is to not judge her.  The second is to offer her a listening ear.  Today I will share three more ways to be supportive.

The third way I eluded to in the first suggestion and that is to offer practical support.  We attended a couple of different churches during this time and experienced differing levels of support.  I remember when my water broke when Simeon was born.  I called around to various church members asking for help and no one would help me.  Or toward the beginning of our seizure journey being told that I was responsible for my husband's seizures because of some sin I had committed by one of the elders of the church.  Then I remember toward the very end of that season we were at an extremely supportive church.  While attending there I remember a day while I was at work Vic called to tell me they had run out of milk.  He could not drive and I was going to leave job number 1 that day (Friday) and would be at job number 2 for the weekend (Sunday).  I worked all day and overnights.  Vic could not drive so that meant my family would not have milk for 3 days.  So I called the church.  A church member brought my family milk.  Then when we moved 4 days after Vic's brain surgery 10 church members came to help me and our family from out of town that was there helping me.

The wife to a disabled man needs practical support and help.  She really needs the Body of Christ to be hands and feet.  She will likely need this for the long haul.  Think about the support often extended to a woman who has had a baby.  I know at the churches I have attended there is a schedule to bring meals for the family.  That is helpful.  Offering the wife of a disabled husband a meal would be a great support.  Here are some other practical suggestions:
-- help her by offering to help clean
-- help her by offering  to run errands
-- help her by offering to watch the kids so she can have a break
-- help her by offering to mow her yard or help with yard work
-- help her by offering to shovel snow in the winter
This list could go on so ask her if there is any practical ways you can help.

I would say the most important way to be supportive to the wife of a disabled man is to pray for her and with her.  Prayer is the key to everything.  The Lord is ultimately the one who will strengthen and sustain this woman so pray for her.  Prayer I am convinced is what brought us to the right doors for my husband's surgery and ultimate healing.  There is not a lot to elaborate on for this point remember to pray for this family.  Remember that prayer changes things.

The final way to support this woman is going to sound like a contradiction--Determine your boundaries and what you are not going to be able to do for this woman.  I mentioned that this would sound like a contradiction, but it truly is not.  Remember her situation could go on for years or indefinitely.  Therefore, she is going to need support for a long time.  She is also going to have times of feeling total desperation and she might lose sight of reasonable requests-- not because she is trying to become dependent on you, but because she has become so worn out.  This is only human nature.  So set some boundaries and stick with them lovingly of course.  Otherwise you run the risk of letting her family take too much of yours and that is not good for you or for her.  Think about the Parable of the Good Samaritan.  What would have happened if the injured man had begged the Samaritan to stay and then the Samaritan had stayed instead of going about his tasks at work.  The consequences could have been great.  He could have lost his clients or his job.  Then he would have put himself, his family, and this injured man in jeopardy.  Rightfully he had some boundaries and was able to help the injured man as a result.  So be supportive of this woman, but have determined your boundaries and enforce them.

The Bible tells us to love and support each other and to live in community.  So remember to do this for those around you and especially in your church body.

12 comments:

  1. Thankyou for the thoughts and helpful suggestions. Sometimes, I think people want to help, but they just don't now how. It never hurts to ask.

    Along those same lines, I subscribe to a daily devotional from Ephesians Four Ministries, and this is today's prayer:

    "Dear Precious, Loving Father in Heaven, Thank you for your gracious love. Thank you for the love of fellow believers. Please remind us through your spirit that as the body of Christ, we are to encourage and exhort one another. When a brother or sister is down, we should not gossip, condemn, criticize, and "kick" them so to speak. Instead, it is up to us to pray for, pick up the phone or make a visit to show that we care -- in love. Let us ask if they are all right and if we may pray with them. Let us be sincere in reaching out to lift them up. May we be instruments to help draw them to you. And let us not forget even one. Thank you for your mercies. May we also we merciful. In the name of Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior I pray, amen."

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    1. Vicky,

      That prayer is truly beautiful. I hope you have a truly blessed day today!!!!!

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  2. Hi Charity, This post could be adapted to any family going through crisis. I think sometimes people are overwhelmed when they look at a crisis and so they do not act, others assume someone else will act. Our son was diagnosed with brain cancer just over 2 years ago and I was in the hospital with him for 10 weeks straight and then multiple other stays for treatment. While my husband and my parents tried to hold down the fort with our 4 other children at the time. we had 2 meals dropped off in those 10 weeks. It was a very lonely road.
    I am glad to hear your husband is doing better. The journey is not always easy but we certainly can see how God can use it to shape us. (found your lovely blog at your becoming kitchen)

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    1. Cheryl,

      I absolutely agree that there are many different situations this post could be adapted to help someone. How is your son now?

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  3. I am new to your blog, and really loved this post. I am so glad your husband is getting better! Praising Jesus!

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  4. It's great to let others know how to help. Often people want to but don't do anything because they are afraid they'll do the "wrong" thing.

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  5. Your're suggestions could work for a family with children of special needs. So many times people ask me what I need for help and I can't actually voice it. Thank you for linking up with Caffeinated Randonmness today.

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    1. The things mentioned in this post could certainly be helpful for a family with children of special needs. Thank you for also suggesting that.

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  6. You all have been very supportive of me and my family. Vic doing what he is means a whole lot. You offering to bring a meal over and just the love has been wonderful.
    Thank you!

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  7. This is so awesome! Thank you!! I just never seem to know how to help so thank you so much. I am really the time of person that just needs to be told exactly how to help... thank you thank you!!!

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  8. Thanks for sharing these ideas. My husband became disabled in 1999 and we have had to accept help a few times. It is so hard to ask, and a real blessing when people see a need and just do something about it.

    I really like your suggestion of mowing the lawn or yard work. When my hubby became ill, mowing the lawn was a real hardship.

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    1. I hope things improve for your family. I know how exhausted you likely get at times. I will pray for your family for strength and endurance. Blessings to you!!!

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