As I have been studying the Proverbs 31 woman I keep getting stuck on how she works vigorously and eagerly. These are things I have struggled with for a while. I have not always struggled with this as I used to be an eager and vigorous worker until I burned out while my husband was sick. It seemed like during those days no matter how hard I worked things got worse for my family. I have posted about some of this before. My average sleep during that time was around 3 hours per night and I remember crying while driving to work and hearing the line of a song by Guardian that said, "Life can be so cruel when you have given all of you've got but its not enough." That was how I felt like no matter what I did it was not enough because I was not good enough. I was exhausted, discouraged, and eventually I lost heart. Then when I came home full time I had no idea how to run a household so that was an overwhelming task that was too much for me so I let things go. I would be able to pull things together over the last year briefly a couple of times, but that would not last because discouragement would set in. Like I said in a post earlier this week I taught my children, cooked, and did laundry. The rest fell to the way side and my umph to work eager or vigorously was just not there.
However, as I have studying the Proverbs 31 woman the words vigorously and eagerly keep standing out to me. I have been talking to the Lord about this and told him my desire to regain the ability to work eagerly and vigorously again. Then one day the Lord led me to Hebrews 12:12-13 " Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. Make level paths for your feet, so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed." The Holy Spirit began to speak by telling me that my first year at home had been intended for healing, but that now was the time for me to move on to a new phase of healing. Something jumped out at me that I had missed in those verses before "so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed." All of a sudden I knew the Lord was telling me to take the strength I do still have, use it to strengthen my arms and legs to get up and dig into the work that is there. He would then add to the strength I have and then I would see my home and family life improve in some new ways. He would provide the eagerness and strength for vigorousness. I would find my umph once again. That was last week and shortly after this day in my devotions my husband and I had our anniversary get a way and it was as if the rest this time went deeper into me. I was actually refreshed. Then this week I already see results of "strengthening my feeble arms and week knees". I already see results of a small bit of orderliness coming into my home. Then I remember that my study of the Proverbs 31 woman actually was an off shoot of a study on orderliness that I started a few months ago. So the Lord led me to what I was seeking, but the route was different than I had planned funny how he works that way sometimes.