Friday, July 19, 2013


There are certain things in my life I truly just don't like.  They are not what I had planned or what I wanted, but they simply are.  I used to think that accepting these things was admitting defeat but it isn't.  Sometimes accepting our situation is part of finding the victory the Lord wants us to have.  When my husband started having seizures that was pretty much thrust upon me and there was really no way to deny it.  I accepted that part of it.  What I did not accept was the cognitive impairment that went along with those seizures.  Then as testing was done pre-brain surgery that cognitive impairment was made very much obvious.  Now that we are living post brain surgery his brain is re-wiring.  The implications of this are something I still have trouble wrapping my brain around sometimes.  It requires an amount of flexibility that can be quite painful at times as he is the head of our home and I have to step back to let him lead.  However, it is not that simple either. There are times when I as his help meet have to step in and challenge him because his brain re-wiring just has not made it that far yet.  Then there are times when I need to step back and let him make decisions I disagree with or that I know are mistakes because it is the process of him learning.  This is part of my life I did not want.  When I walked down the aisle and said "I do" I did not know I signed up for this part.  I prayed long and hard before marrying Vic and I knew it was God's plan.  I just did not know that this was part of the hand the Lord was going to deal me in our marriage.  So fact number 1 I have had to accept is that I am wife of man whose brain is re-wiring.  This fact in and of itself is a miracle.  The miracle continues. However, I had to accept the facts, the challenges, and the limitations in order meet Vic where he is and be the kind of help meet he needs me to be.  So I pray, support, challenge, and keep my mouth shut (I should probably do this one more) and try to cooperate with the Lord in the miracle he continues to work in my husband.  There is however another fact I have to accept about this situation that since my husband's brain is re-wiring he is ever changing as his brain makes new connections and neuropathways.  So I discover at times that he is different then I have to make adjustments. Sometimes those changes happen so quickly that I can not keep up.  Recently we had a counseling session with the pastor who married us and his comment was that since Vic and I have lived through more in our 13 years of marriage than many do in a lifetime that it means we have to work harder at it.  I have learned to accept that and God is bringing great victory into our lives as a result of that acceptance and moving us on to greater victory.

Other things I have not wanted to accept but have had to concern my children.  One such situation concerns our oldest son.  Caleb was 2 when I started noticing something was just not right.  The doctor agreed with my concerns, but suggested we wait a year to see if those things cleared up.  At age three the problems were still there.  Caleb was then tested by the school system where we lived and they tried to tell me he had autism.  He does not and I knew it.  I was a mental health therapist I had the diagnostic manual so I knew better and our pediatrician agreed with me. In this case I did not need to accept the facts because they were simply not true.  Then his dad's brain surgery happened so we had him tested again after we moved to another state.  They did not try to tell us he had autism.  They believed something was not right, but were not really sure what to do with it.  So we were sent away on our own.  We enrolled him in Pre-k with the hope that somehow that experience would help with the problem.  It did not.  So we had him tested again when he was 5.  Still the results indicated that there were problems but no answers.  We ended up homeschooling and also discovered that he was having seizures in his sleep.  Project ahead a few years and Caleb will be 9 in two weeks and his seizures have stopped now also many issues have resolved since they have stopped.  Caleb does have dyslexia.  It has been a journey, but as I have done research I have determined the solutions for him.  We are now on a course of action that seems to be helping him and we are so glad we decided to home school so we can give him the individualized help he needs.  So another card the Lord dealt me that I did not expect was child with dyslexia.  I have accepted this and now am able to help my son overcome the challenges as well as use the strengths that come with dyslexia.  If I fought the facts then I would spend my mental energy on that fighting instead of helping Caleb fill in his gaps, develop his talents, and disciple him.  So I accept the situation to find greater victory in our lives.

Here are three facts about accepting:

1.  Accepting is not admitting defeat.  It is realizing where your challenges lie.  It does show where your limitations are, but I have never been one to say "Okay here is my limit.  I guess I will stop now."  No that has never really been me.  I accept my limitations so that I can challenge them and move beyond them.  So accepting situations in life is not admitting defeat it just means realizing there are things we can not change, but we can learn to overcome.

2.  Accepting brings peace.  There is a conflict in us when we realize things we wish were different in life.  When we come to acceptance we have peace.  We can not truly experience the power of the Lord until we experience his peace.  I wish I had learned that much earlier in life because I would have missed a lot of turmoil.

3.  Accepting is having an open hand to the Lord.  It saying Lord I trust you to know what is the best for me, for my husband, for my children.  I accept what you put in my hand and I cooperate with you.  Show me what you want me to do with the situation you have given to me.  He has a plan for that set of circumstances.

We need to trust the Lord with the circumstances we find ourselves in and remember that he knows best.
I end with the Serenity Prayer from Alcoholics Anonymous.  This prayer has much application for all of us not just those dealing with addiction.

What challenges do you face?  Have you accepted them and trusted the Lord with the outcome?

The Serenity Prayer
PathGod grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.

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